布拉德 Brad.
-再见 爸爸 -再见 宝贝 -Bye, Daddy. -Bye, sweetie.
我星期一来接你 Bye-bye, guys. I'll pick you up on Monday.
-布拉德 -怎么了 -Brad. -What's up?
布拉德 Hey, Brad.
你看上去挺好 Hey, Brad. Looking good, buddy.
-迪连 你的牙套呢 -在爸爸家 -Dylan, where's your retainer? -I left it at Dad's.
你的数学作业本呢 Hey, where's your math workbook?
在妈妈家 At Mom's house.
-你的内裤呢 -我不知道 -Where are all your undies? -I don't know.
怎么有这么多内裤 How do we got so many undies?
生日快乐 小家伙 Happy birthday, buddy!
布拉德送我一部了 Brad already got me one.
是我的主意 It was my idea! It was my idea!
嘿 小心 Hey, look at that.
小家伙 Guys.
爸爸 Daddy.
噢 Oh!
梅根 等一下 Megan, hold up!
哇 Whoa!
啊 Ah!
-你没事吧 -没事 -Are you all right? -I'm okay.
来了 别忘了带走 Right here! Don't leave without it.
快点 别停 Come on! Keep it moving!
别超出交通锥 Inside the cones!
里面像甜筒 别停 Inside the cones like an ice cream. Let's go!
布拉德 Braddie!
给你 兄弟 Here you go, buddy.
谢谢 布拉德 Oh. Thanks, Braddie.
-热可可 -是的 -Hot cocoa? -Yeah.
好 还漂着小棉花糖 Nice. Little marshmallows floating around there
你是最好的 all in formation. You are the greatest.
里面还放了一点甘草 I put a little licorice root in there, too.
-噢 -希望你喜欢 -Oh! -Tell me what you think.
-嘿 小家伙 -爸爸 -Hey, guys. -Daddy!
-你们今天过得如何 -好 -Hey. Hi, how was your day? -Good.
好了 上车吧 All right, guys, hop in.
我先行了 跆拳道馆见 I'll get them ready and I'll meet you at Tae Kwon Do.
-三十分钟后见 -我迫不及待 -See you in 30. -Great. Looking forward to it.
-再见 -再见 爸爸 -Bye. -Bye, Dad.
噢 Oh!
-达斯蒂 -怎么了 -Dusty. -Yeah?
你今晚做了好吃的 Sorry. You made treats for tonight, right?
我只准备礼品卡 我以为今晚在你家吃 No, I got the gift card. I thought you were on treats tonight.
上次万圣节我准备了礼品卡和点心 No. I did gift card and the treats for the Halloween Spooktacular.
好吧 我去面包店买 Okay. Well, I guess I'll hit the bakery
-反正顺路 -面包店 -on the way to the pageant. -Bakery?
除非你不想我去面包店 Unless you don't want me to go to the bakery.
-不 -你重复我说的话 -No... -Usually, when you repeat what I said
你就上下摇晃着头 and you shake your head up and down,
那是你不想我这样做 it really means you don't want me to do it.
-我在想 -什么 -I'm just thinking... -What?
也许自制更好 Maybe homemade?
再按喇叭 我打掉你的牙齿 Yeah. Hey! Honk at him again, you better count your teeth!
没问题 自制肉桂奶油饼干 No problem, Braddie. Homemade snickerdoodles
马上就来 也给你一个 coming right up. One for you, too.
我们再来碰拳 会不会很尴尬 Should we fist bump again or would it be awkward?
我不介意第二次 I don't mind a second bump. All right.
谢谢 今晚见 Thanks, buddy. See you tonight.
谢谢你的热可可 Bye, mate. Thanks so much for the cocoa.
再见 爸爸 Bye, Daddy.
抱歉 Sorry.
年度圣诞庆典 圣诞颂歌
-再见 -再见 -Bye. -Bye.
看起来很好 谢谢 These look great. Thank you.
-怎么样 -噢 -Look at that. -Oh...
-爸爸 凯伦 -小家伙 -Daddy! Karen! -Hey! Hey, guys.
看凯伦多性感 Wow, look how sexy Karen looks.
皮裤加上侧露 Leather pants and side boob.
参加校园活动的最佳穿着 That's perfect for a school function.
-我们期待好事 -你说得对 -Honey, let's expect good things, okay? -I know, you're right. Right.
-怎么样 -嘿 -Hey. How's it going? -Hey.
-嗨 -嗨 -Hi. -Hi.
看看你们 Wow, look at you guys.
你和妈妈穿着很时髦 You and Mommy are so sassy all the time.
-嗨 -嗨 -Hi. -Hi.
我读过你的小说 Oh, hey. I got your novel.
-棒极了 -很高兴你喜欢 -It's amazing. -Oh, I'm glad you like it.
里面的对话精彩绝伦 I don't know how you write such powerful dialogue.
-肯定是与生俱来 -啊 -I mean, it must just come naturally, right? -Aw.
-就像自然而然 -你真好 -Like everything else. -You're so sweet.
-准备好了 -走吧 -Are you guys ready? -Let's go.
我想要阿德里安娜那样打扮 I want my shirt like Adrianna's.
不行 宝贝 我们不能那样 Uh, no. No, no, no, honey. We're not doing that, okay?
放回去 要像乖孩子 Put that back in. Look like a nice kid.
欢迎来到圣诞颂歌晚会 Welcome to the One Horse Open Sing!
在开始之前 请注意 Before we get started, notice we have
几位专业视频和图片摄影师 several professional video and still photographers
为所有孩子提供免费拍摄 to cover all your kids for free.
所以请大家收好自己的手机 So you can all put your phones in your pockets,
放松 好好享受这一刻 relax, and just be in the moment.
你们毫不在乎 You don't care.
♪ 在雪地里狂奔 ♪ * Dashing through the snow *
♪ 坐在一匹马拉的雪橇上 ♪ * In a one-horse open sleigh *
♪ 在田野里我们一路欢笑 ♪ * O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way, hahaha *
♪ 马儿铃铛响 使人精神振奋 ♪ * Bells on bobtail ring Making spirits bright *
♪ 又笑又唱多么快乐 ♪ * What fun it is to laugh and sing *
♪ 今晚的滑雪之歌 ♪ * A sleighing song tonight *
吃圣诞老人糖果和土豆泥 ...eat candy Santas and smashed potatoes
把狗打扮成驯鹿 and dressing up my dog like a reindeer.
这就是圣诞节对我的意义 That's what Christmas means to me.
谢谢你们 Thank you.
接着是梅根·梅隆 And now we have Megan Mayron.
我叫梅根·梅隆 我最喜欢圣诞礼物 My name is Megan Mayron, and I like Christmas presents a lot.
但我真的不喜欢圣诞节 But I don't really like Christmas.
我第一次过圣诞节时我爸爸也在 My daddy was at my first Christmases,
但我不记得那些了 but I don't remember those ones.
接着过一些没有爸爸的圣诞节 Then we had some with no daddy at all.
直到布拉德出现 Then Brad came,
他总是大张旗鼓 but he was always trying way too hard
让大家觉得很不自在 and making everyone feel uncomfortable.
接着爸爸回来了 Then Daddy came back,
布拉德提前过圣诞节 and Brad did a pretend Christmas
向爸爸证明布拉德比他强 to show Daddy that Brad was better than him.
所以现在我们要去两个家过不同的圣诞节 So now we have to go to different houses to have different Christmases.
我和哥哥希望能像其他家庭 Me and my brother wish we were like other families
过正常的圣诞节 and we had normal Christmases.
但我们仍然喜欢收圣诞礼物 But we still like our Christmas presents.
这一点我要讲清楚 I want to be very clear about that.
非常感谢 Thank you very much.
去看心理医生吧 Enjoy paying for therapy, boys!
你最好闭嘴 杰瑞 You better shut your mouth, Jerry!
没问题 Absolutely, Dusty.
孩子们都给搞糊涂了 布拉德 都怪你 We're messing up our kids, Brad, and it's on you.
为什么怪我 On me? Why is it on me?
你出现之前 我们只过一次圣诞节 Because before you came around we only had one Christmas.
所以是你的错 So it's on you.
等等 我们不能因为每次 Hold on, hold on. We don't have to circle the wagons
孩子表达消极情绪时就忙得团团转 every time one of the kids expresses a negative emotion.
他们没事 They're fine.
孩子当着全校的面 Kids that get up in front of whole schools
说他们不喜欢圣诞节不太好 and say they don't like Christmas aren't fine, Sara.
她只是说不喜欢过两个圣诞节 Well, she said she didn't like having two Christmases.
还是你的错 Which is on you.
我们一起过圣诞节怎么样 So what if we all spend a Christmas together?
统一圣诞节 很好 A Together Christmas. That's good.
你解决了难题 Now you fixed it. See, that...
现在与你无关了 Now it's off of you.
我们也邀请阿德里安娜的爸爸 Let's invite Adrianna's dad, too.
-什么 -是的 -What? -Yes.
-你是说真的 -对 -Are you being serious right now? No. -Yeah.
把手放下 Put that hand down.
我讨好那家伙 他却对我像抢了他的孩子 I've been nothing but nice to that guy, and he treats me like I abducted his kid.
我不同意 I'm not doing that.
别又把事情搞砸了 Why are you messing up the mood now, all right?
我们去告诉孩子们统一过圣诞节的好主意 We wanna go tell the kids my great idea about the Together Christmas.
怎么变成你的主意了 Wait, how did it become your idea?
主意是你的 只不过我改成统一圣诞节 It was your idea, but I named it Together Christmas.
比奇堡的人们 People of Bikini Bottom...
小家伙 Hey, guys?
听好了 我有个惊喜 Guys. Listen up, I got a surprise.
有没有听 Hello?
-有个大惊喜 -惊喜 -Guys. We got a big surprise! -A surprise?
-还有一匹小马 -一张蹦床 -Another pony? -A trampoline?
你要走了 You leaving?
不是的 Not quite, okay?
我们有比这更好的 But, no, we got something better than that, okay?
更好 更棒 So much better. It's gonna be great.
不用为圣诞节来回跑 Guys, this year, no more back and forth at Christmas.
-不用来回跑 -我刚说过 -We're not doing the back and forth. -Nope. I just said that.
-不用跑来跑去过圣诞 -没有来回 -No more back and forth at Christmas. -No back and forth.
今年 我们要一起过圣诞节 This year, we're gonna spend one Christmas all together, all of us!
-好啊 -大家过统一圣诞节 -Yay! -All of us. A Together Christmas!
-统一圣诞节 -安静点 -A Together Christmas! -Can you be quiet?
像普通家庭一样过团聚圣诞节 A Together Christmas like a normal family!
好啊 Yay!
我去接听 I'll get it.
你好 Hello?
库尔特爷爷 Grandpa Kurt?
爸爸 库尔特爷爷要跟你说话 Daddy, Grandpa Kurt wants to talk to you.
不 达斯蒂 我跟他说 No, no, no. Dusty, I'll just tell him...
没关系 萨拉 No. It's okay, Sara.
谢谢 Thank you.
谢谢 Thanks, buddy.
怎么了 爸爸 What, Dad?
好久没见 Yeah, long time.
不 我很好 明天 No, I'm fine. Tomorrow?
-明天 -不 -Tomorrow. -No.
我可以去接你 但是 I could probably pick you up, I guess, but...
-我父母明天要来 -我不在乎 -Hey! Psst! Guess what? My folks are coming tomorrow. -I don't care.
-可以一起去接 -闭嘴 -We can go together. -You shut up.
爸爸 你会发个短信 Dad, do you want to just text... Hello?
听我说 Dusty, listen to me,
我觉得你的负能量太大了 I think you're approaching this with way too much negative energy.
你不知道自己在说什么 所以给我闭嘴 Brad, you don't know what you're talking about, so shut your fat hole!
达斯蒂 Dusty.
抱歉 布拉德 I'm sorry, Braddie. I'm sorry.
看看他对我的影响 You see what he does to me?
他人还没到就已经破坏了圣诞 I mean, he's not even here yet, and he's already ruining Christmas.
-好的 放松 -我不能 -Okay, okay, relax. Relax. -I can't!
你父亲还没见过进步后的达斯蒂 Look, your father hasn't met the new evolved Dusty.
你进步成善解人意以孩子为先的家长 You're a progressive, sensitive, child-first parent.
他会拿这个嘲笑我们 你会明白 That's exactly the stuff he's gonna make fun of us for. You'll see.
他会嘲笑我们所做的一切 He's gonna scoff at everything we do. He's a scoffer, Brad.
佩佩 你也有成年的儿子 Pepe, you have a grown son, right?
是的 Si.
干嘛不告诉达斯蒂你儿子有多重要 Why don't you tell Dusty here how much your son means to you
在这欢乐的节日 in this season of good cheer?
我儿子令我极度失望 我每天都懊悔生下他
-你看 -他没说好话 -You see? -He didn't say nice things
不是你想的那样 like you think he did, Brad.
别傻了 Dusty, you're being silly.
谁不会以你为傲 I mean, who wouldn't be impressed with you?
拜托 Come on.
我的天 Dear God!
他怎么像是直布罗陀石壁 He looks as if he's been chiseled from Gibraltar itself.
这显得很奇怪 但很有性格 This is gonna come off weird, Dusty, but he's beautiful.
我恨不得跟他做朋友 I want to be his friend so bad.
-达斯蒂 -嘿 爸爸 -Dusty. -Hey, Pop.
-旅途顺利吧 -不错 -How was your flight? -Not bad.
花了二十分钟才到达大门 Took 20 minutes to get to the gate though.
这里为何如此拥挤 What's with that bottleneck you got out there?
抱歉 我们的机场不符合你的要求 I'm sorry our local airport tarmac's not up to your standards, huh?
抱歉 我不知道机场是你设计的 I'm sorry. I didn't realize you designed this airport,
否则我的要求更高 or I'd have been more sensitive.
我会搬去离机场更近的城镇 Oh, I guess I'll move to a new town with a better airport
这样你五年来一次就很方便了 that way you won't be inconvenienced when you show up every five years or so.
老样子 敏感先生 我喜欢 Same old Mr. Touchy. I love it.
给你 司机 Here you go, Pancho.
去把车开过来 我们在路边等你 Why don't you bring the car around, we'll meet you at the curb.
马上 先生 Right away, sir.
不 对不起 我不是司机 I mean, no, I'm sorry, I'm not the driver.
我是布拉德 No, I'm Brad.
孩子的继父 The stepdad.
-萨拉的丈夫 -干嘛跟着你 -This is Sara's husband. -Why is he with you?
爸爸 Dad!
他特意穿上红毛衣 让我好认 That sweater. He wears a red sweater, so I can see him in a crowd.
爸爸 Dad!
他是我爸爸 That's him, that's Dad.
爸爸 Dad. Dad.
妈妈和爸爸
-我打个招呼 -我的大男人 -I made a sign. -There's my big man.
就这家伙在照顾你的孩子 And this guy's raising your kids half the time?
他只是很久没见他爸爸 He hasn't seen his dad in a really long time.
虽然感恩节刚过 但感觉就像永远 It's only been since Thanksgiving, but it feels like forever.
-没错 -噢 -It does! -Oh!
才四个星期 就像过了好几年 Four weeks? It's been a few years for us.
我们该怎么做 脱裤子庆祝 What should we do? You want me to take my pants off?
妈妈怎么没来 Hey, where's Mom?
你没收到她的短信 You didn't get her text?
阿尼舅舅患上疱疹 Uncle Arny came down with a bad case of the shingles.
-不 -妈妈要留下来 -No. -So Mom's staying back
-照顾他 -好的 -to take care of him. -Okay.
你还有我啊 But, hey, you still got me.
我当然知道 I sure do. I sure do!
噢 Oh!
我们会过得很愉快 We're gonna have the best time.
达斯蒂 Oh! Dusty!
-唐 -肌肉男 过来 -Hey, Don. -Hey, Muscles, come here.
我感冒了 别靠近 唐 I've got a cold. Stay away. Don, Don!
达斯蒂 Say, Dusty,
布拉德说我们要一起过圣诞节 Brad told me about this Together Christmas we're doing.
你们俩非常棒 进步的合作爸爸 You two are such wonderful, progressive co-dads.
合作爸爸 Co-dads?
抱歉 梅隆先生 这是我父亲唐·惠特克 I'm so sorry. Mr. Mayron, this is my father, Don Whitaker.
这是我的荣幸 船长 The pleasure is all mine, Captain!
你在1992年驾驶亚特兰蒂斯号航天飞机 You piloted the Space Shuttle Atlantis in 1992
1994年指挥奋进号执行了三次任务 and commanded the Endeavour on three missions in 1994!
好吧 我们走这边 All right, come on, we're out this way.
谢谢你 达斯蒂 Thanks, Dusty.
库尔特 你在班机上有什么趣闻 Say, Kurt, did you meet any interesting folks on your flight?
我一路上只有威士忌和枕头 I met a Scotch and a pillow.
我通常都会搭乘 You know, actually, I always pick the flights
转机最多的航班 that have the most connections so that
这样可以和很多陌生人聊天 I get to chat with as many new people as possible.
-所以你是个疯子 -那就是我 -Oh, so you're a lunatic. Good to know. -That's me!
看来你的邻居收到超级大包裹 Looks like one of your neighbors is getting an oversized parcel.
你好 Hello!
我是唐·惠特克 美国邮政局 Don Whitaker, United States Postal Service!
我已经退休 但还没老到不能帮助同行 Retired, but never too old to lend a hand to a fellow carrier.
布拉德 这宝贝会让你一路顺风 Brad, I gotta tell you, this baby sure gives you a smooth ride.
谢谢 库尔特 Oh, thank you, Kurt.
这款车性能不错 Yeah, it is surprisingly responsive.
他不是 Brad, he's not...
那他们把你的蛋蛋带到车行 So do they take your balls right there at the dealership,
还是和登记表一起寄过去 or do you send them in with the registration?
事情是如何发生的 How does it work exactly?
他们没有拿走我的蛋蛋 只需付两千美元 No, no, they didn't take my balls. Just $2,000 down.
这是你的家 达斯蒂 This your place, Dusty?
-没有想象中好 -达斯蒂家的确更好 -I pictured it nicer. -Yeah, Dusty's house is nicer.
这是我的家 This is my house.
不妨进来看看孩子们 Just thought you'd like to step in and see the kids.
没有特别的事 我们不想打扰你 Only if it's okay. Look, we don't want to infringe on your days.
当然 别傻了 来吧 Of course, don't be silly. Come on, guys.
你看自己的孩子还得经过别人批准 You got to ask another man's permission to see your own kids?
不可思议 Unbelievable.
我们回来了 带来更多爸爸 We're back! With more daddies!
你们两个又长大了 Hey! Look how big you two got!
来吧 给个拥抱 Come on. Don't I get a hug? Come on!
这个小鼻涕是谁 And who's this barroom brawler?
他是我们的弟弟 格里夫 He's our brother, Griffy, silly.
过来小家伙 达斯蒂 没听你提起过 Hey, come here, pardner. Dusty, you never told me.
-干嘛长得很像你 -不是我的孩子 -Why, he looks just like you. -Yeah, not my kid.
那是我的孩子 Oh, no, no, no. I fathered that one.
那他和我有什么关系 Oh. Ah, then how does he relate to me then?
他是你孙子的弟弟 库尔特 Well, he is the brother of your grandkids, Kurt.
-给你 -好的 -Oh. Here, here. -Oh. Okay.
看起来不错 宝贝 Hey, looking good, Buttercup.
见到你真好 Good to see you.
-看看是谁来了 -爷爷 -Look who's here! -Pop-Pop!
-讲个爷爷笑话 -噢 -Tell us a Pop-Pop joke! -Ooh, ooh.
好的 为什么鸭子有羽毛 What's a good one? Why does a duck have feathers?
为什么 Why?
因为要遮住屁股 To cover up his butt quack.
孩子们 我也有个笑话 Hey, kids, I got a good one for you.
-两个死妓女被冲上岸 -嘿 -Two dead hookers wash up on the shore... -Hey, hey!
-别说 -不行 -Whoa, whoa, shut up. -No way. No way.
-萨拉 我的媳妇 -嗨 -Sara. How's my girl? -Hi!
金妮怎么没来 What, Ginny couldn't make it?
她感到很遗憾 Oh, she feels terrible.
但她送了一批特别的饼干 But she sent a batch of her special cookies!
-厨房里有牛奶吗 -有 -Is there milk in that kitchen? -Yay!
我要先来一块 I want the first one.
我要先来一块 I get the first one!
所以他是爷爷 我只是库尔特祖父 So he gets to be Pop-Pop and I'm just Grandpa Kurt?
不是我负责给爷爷取可爱的名字 What? I'm in charge of the cutesy grandpa names now?
想要可爱的名字 你得多露脸 Look, if you want a better name, maybe try showing up a little more often.
告诉孩子们 我现在是教父 Tell the kids, from now on, it's El Padre.
别再开妓女的玩笑 No more hooker jokes.
这个味道不像是奶奶饼干 更像是趣多多 These don't taste like La-La's cookies. They taste like Chips Ahoys.
我昨天坐在厨房里 No, no. I sat right there in the kitchen
亲眼看见奶奶烤的 and watched Grandma bake them just yesterday.
我喜欢 I like them.
这就是所谓的合作爸爸 So, this co-dads thing, is that what you call it?
我们就这样称呼 Yeah, that's what we call it.
在他的监管下管教你的孩子 So, on his watch, he disciplines your kids,
给建议 盖被子等等 gives them advice, tucks them in, so forth
你对这个没意见 and that bothers you not a bit?
我没意见 Doesn't bother me at all.
他完全缺乏男子气概 And his total lack of masculinity...
他虚弱的下巴和柔软的腹部会影响你儿子 I mean, his weak chin and soft underbelly influencing your son,
你这也不介意 you're good there, too? Yeah?
我觉得也许你们需要一点隐私 You know what? I'm just feeling like maybe you guys want a little privacy.
别激动 布拉德 Stay right there, Brad, all right?
他不过想搞点事 He's just trying to stir the turd.
随你怎么嘲笑 You can scoff all you want.
我和布拉德的关系稳稳妥妥 Everything is rock solid between me and Brad here.
-我们是最好的朋友 -真的 -In fact, best friends. -Really?
-谢谢你 -别激动 -Thank you. -Brad. Stop it. Now.
-我很好 -他很情绪化 -I'm good. -He gets really emotional.
-布拉德 兄弟 -你叫我“兄弟” -Brad. Hey. Brother. -Did you call me "brother"?
老兄 冷静 放松点 B-Dawg. Chill out, man. Relax.
别哭了 All right? Cut it out.
-布拉德 别这样 -我知道 -Brad, don't. -I know.
够了 布拉德 别这样 Stop. All right, look. Hey. Brad, stop!
看来你们俩的关系不错 Looks like you two guys have a real solid arrangement.
你们要一起过圣诞节 You're spending Christmas together and everything.
我们在谁的家过圣诞 Speaking of which, whose place are we doing that at?
我们都很乐意接待 We're totally happy to host if it makes it easier.
可以在我家 我家空间更大 Yeah, we could do it at my place. I got more room.
礼物放在我家 吃饭在你家 We can do presents at our place, dinner at yours.
不 这样要来回跑 Nah, all that back and forth, who needs that?
这里 那里 This place, that place.
不如我们出去度假 Why don't I book us a great vacation spot
我们所有人可以一起度过 for all of us, and we can all spend
这一周的假期 the holiday week together?
-太棒了 -谢谢你 教父 -Yay! Cool! -Thanks, El Padre.
我爱这主意 I love this idea!
更有圣诞气息 It's something extra Christmasy,
可以观赏雪景也可以进行家庭活动 with lots of snow and family activities for all of us.
我担心找不到地方 Dad, I'm just worried about finding a place,
离假期这么近 you know, this close to the holiday.
好了 爱彼迎 预订完成 Booked it! Airbnb. All done.
好棒 教父 Yay, El Padre!
这很好玩 我们都是好朋友 It's gonna be so fun, since we're all such great friends, huh?
圣诞前六天
到山里去 走吧 格里夫 Off to the mountains. Here we go, Griffy.
-来吧 -乐趣之旅 -Here we go. -Big fun trip!
我来帮你 萨拉 Let me get that for you, Sara.
-谢谢 -不客气 -Thank you. -You're welcome.
我觉得你和库尔特 You know, Dusty, I think you and Kurt
在我和我爸爸身边呆一段时间 spending some time around me and my dad
对你们俩都有好处 might do you both some good.
你不明白他在干什么吗 Hey, don't you see what he's up to here?
他认为我们对彼此都有不好的感觉 He thinks you and me are harboring bad feelings for one another
关在一间小木屋会暴露我们隐藏的不满 and sticking us together in some cabin is gonna bring out whatever we're harboring.
但你没有 对吧 But you're not, are you, Brad?
-没有什么 -不满心理 -I'm not what? -Harboring!
我没有什么不满 No, I'm not harboring anything.
很好 因为我也没有不满 Good, 'cause I'm not harboring anything either.
我们利用这个机会 Okay, well, let's use this as an opportunity
向他证明我们都很坦诚 to show him that we're not harboring.
因为我们没有不满 'Cause we're not harboring.
这是一处安全港 You're looking at one safe harbor right here.
很好 All right, good.
你确定要这样包装 你要这样做 You sure you want to pack it like that? Is that how you're gonna do it?
我和布拉德是一个团队 一切尽在掌握 Look, me and Brad got everything under control as a team, okay?
-对吧 布拉德 -没错 -Right, Brad? -That's right.
我对旅行了解不多 Yeah, what would I know about travel?
我只是去过太空而已 I've only been to frickin' space.
你自己打包航天飞机 What, did you pack the space shuttle yourself?
打开后备箱 为自己和太空小伙伴整理好行李 You pop the trunk, arrange all the bags for you and your little space friends?
确实如此 我打包了航天飞机 I did, as a matter of fact. Yes, I packed the shuttle.
好酷 That's so cool!
你总是在小记事本上 I love how you're always jotting down ideas
为你的小说写下想法 for your book in your little notepad.
别人会不会发疯 People ever get crazy and think
以为你在写他们的坏话 you might be writing something bad about them?
布拉德 不介意在路上和我做一些“是的”练习 Say, Brad, would you mind doing some "Yes, And" drills with me on the way?
“是的” 谢谢你问我 "Yes, And" thank you for asking me.
我最近参加了即兴喜剧研讨班 I recently joined an improv comedy workshop.
布拉德一直逼我这样做 Brad's been pushing me to do it for years.
因为你太逗了 Because you're so funny.
我非常喜欢 Yeah, I really enjoy it.
你应该去看一下 You should look into it, too, Kurt.
我宁愿看一把上了膛的枪 I'd rather look into a loaded gun.
-你听到了 -你是现编的 -Did you hear that? -Did you just make that up?
-妙语 -这也太有性格了 -Zinger! -That's provocative, too.
你想让我这样做 固执先生 You ready to let me do that, Mr. Stubborn?
-我知道了 -放不下 -I got it. -It's never gonna fit.
嘿 孩子们 Hey, kids, no, no, no, no,
去和阿德里安娜坐我的车 why don't you jump into my car with Adrianna, all right?
库尔特爷爷在路上可以陪伴爷爷 So Grandpa Kurt here can enjoy Pop-Pop's company on the way up.
太空舱已为你准备好位置 船长 Already warmed up a spot in the capsule for you, Captain!
还是放不下 Still never gonna fit. Ever.
我知道了 放得下 No, I got it. It's fitting fine.
我塞也要塞进去 I just had to put it wheels-in.
完美放好 出发 Perfect fit! All right, let's go.
阿德里安娜 我们到了那里 Hey, Adrianna, you know, when we're up there,
我可以教你滑雪 I can teach you how to snowboard.
你不是我爸爸 You're not my dad.
这一定会是趟愉快的旅程 All right. It's gonna be a fun trip.
该玩一字游戏了 It's time for One-Word Story.
谁都可以玩 不一定只有我和爸爸 Anyone can join in, doesn't have to be just Dad and I.
你总是给我们最好的开头 You always give us the best start.
-叔叔 -托马斯 -Uncle... -...Thomas...
-行走 -踮脚 -...went... -...tiptoeing...
进入 ...into the...
帝国大厦 ...Empire State Building.
你在哪儿想的这个 Where were you going with that one?
这都在煎饼早餐上 This all took place at the pancake breakfast!
♪ 墙上有五十六瓶啤酒 ♪ * Fifty-six bottles of beer on the wall *
♪ 五十六瓶啤酒 ♪ * Fifty-six bottles of beer *
“G” 佐治亚州车牌 "G." Georgia, Georgia license plate!
准备 安静游戏 Ready, and... Quiet Game.
-这游戏我玩得很烂 -我做不到 -I'm terrible at this game! -I can't do it!
-我做不到 -我讨厌安静游戏 -I just can't do it. -I hate the Quiet Game!
我们都喜欢希帕一家 We always liked the Shimpahs.
搬运工以为希帕家是我们家 差点搬错了 The movers thought the Shimpahs' house was our house and almost moved us in there!
那样我们就跟希帕家是一家人了 The wrong family! We would've been living with the Shimpahs!
我其实不会在意 Which I wouldn't have minded,
我暗恋维姬·希帕很久了 'cause I had a huge crush on Vicky Shimpah.
爸爸 谢谢你 Dad, thank you.
不知不觉就过了五个小时 You make a five-hour trip go by like that!
我只想要大家都愉快 I just wanted everybody to have a good time.
悠闲的公路旅行真好 Nothing like a nice, relaxing road trip, huh, Dad?
这不算什么 It was nothing.
我曾跟一只猩猩呆在狭小空间里 I've been in a confined space with a chimp.
迪连有女朋友了 Dylan's got a girlfriend!
我没有 别吵 No, I don't! Be quiet!
有 你爱她 Yeah, you love her.
你想买花给她 亲她的嘴唇 You want to buy her flowers and kiss her on the lips.
别说了 一点都不好玩 Stop it! It's not funny!
梅根 别拿女孩子取笑你哥哥 Megan! What did I say about teasing your brother about girls?
是她做的 She's still doing it.
她还拿雪球丢到他的头上 And she drilled him in the head with a snowball too.
我不是她妈妈 Well, I'm not her mother.
带你弟弟进屋 去吧 宝贝 Now, go take your brother inside, please. Go on, sweetie.
来吧 格里夫 Come on, Griffy.
迪连开始注意女孩子了 So Dylan's started noticing the girls?
我想是时候跟他谈谈了 You know, I think it's gonna be time to give him the talk.
谈谈 你是说男孩和女孩的事 The talk? You mean the talk about the nitty-gritty?
-“男孩女孩事” -知道了 宝贝 -The "nitty-gritty"? -I'm on it, Sar-Bear.
我期待这一天已经很久 I've been looking forward to this for a long time.
我已准备好一席话 I got a whole speech prepared, all right?
全都是温馨的内容 It's all heartwarming stuff.
你和布拉德一定能联手做好 I'm sure you and Brad will do a bang-up job with that.
除非这不是合作爸爸的事 Unless this isn't a co-dadding moment?
-不是 -不是 -No. -No.
-当然是 -是的 -I mean, no, of course it is. -It is.
-会处理好 -是的 -Yeah, it is. It's gonna be. -Okay, yeah.
我们得一起跟他谈谈 Yeah, we're gonna talk to him together.
达斯蒂 我读过一些不分性别的抽认卡 Oh, Dusty! I read about some gender-neutral flashcards.
抽认卡 Flashcards.
他用抽认卡教你儿子如何泡妞 He's got flashcards to teach your son how to score.
当然不是 No, of course not.
包括人类生殖 青春期和卫生 They cover human reproduction, puberty, and hygiene.
好极了 你用抽认卡做个开端 Okay, great. You tee it up with the flashcards,
我再用温馨的话来加强 and I'll knock it home with the heartwarming speech.
-我们可以的 -你们做好准备 -All right? We got this. -You're all set.
我还记得布拉德第一次问我关于女孩的事 I'll never forget when Brad first started asking questions about girls.
我带他出外去“谈谈” I took him out for "the talk."
他是如此好奇和专注 He was so inquisitive and attentive.
我接着把他送回学校宿舍 Then I dropped him back off at his dorm.
是啊 Yeah...
进来吧 Well, come on in.
有游戏房 Hey, look, there's a game room!
-阿德里安娜 看 -还有台球桌 -Wow. Adrianna, look. -And a pool table!
我们就需要这个 This is what I'm talking about.
风景优美 Look at that view!
全都是榫卯细木工 Look at all the mortise and tenon joinery!
真是奢侈 Sittin' fat.
你老头真的很在行才能弄到这地方 Your old man sure pulled the right rein getting this place.
这么说最好带你去游行 Oh, wow. I know. Better throw you a parade, huh?
我真的很期待 Oh, I am really looking forward to that.
你想把感谢印在低音鼓上 Well, you want the thank yous printed on the bass drums
还是苏萨大号的喇叭上 or the sousaphone covers?
谁拿走我的行李 Hey, did anyone bring my bag in?
我的主管克莱德·尤尼克斯 My supervisor Clyde Unix...
他接任1986年退休的柯比·凯勒 He took over after Kirby Keller retired in '86.
在密歇根州上半岛买了农场养马 Horse farm, upper peninsula of Michigan.
那地方美极了 有机会可以去看看 Gorgeous country, if you ever get the chance.
哇 Wow.
不错的淋浴 Nice shower.
真奇怪 That's weird.
没有开关 No controls.
亲爱的 怎么打开淋浴 Hey, honey, how do you turn the shower on?
打开淋浴 Shower on.
关 关淋浴 Off! Shower off!
关闭淋浴 Shower off.
老天 Gosh! Ooh!
声控淋浴 酷 Voice-activated water. Cool.
凉水 Water cool.
-关 关淋浴 -关闭淋浴 -Off! Shower off! -Shower off.
-凉水 -凉水淋浴 -Water... Cool... -Water. Shower cool.
-水太冷 -凉水 -Cool the water. -Water cool.
关掉水 关掉 Water off! Turn off!
关闭 Off.
我的天 Oh, my God.
我的天 Oh, my God!
你进了自己的球 友军炮火 You scored on yourself. Friendly fire.
八号球 角袋 Eight ball, corner pocket.
-没有碰球 -是啊 -Ooh! No slashing. -Yeah.
-好球 宝贝 -谢谢 宝贝 -Good job, babe. -Thank you, babe.
来吧 萨拉 Come on, Sara!
没问题 No, that is holding.
迪连 关小声点 It's too loud, Dylan! Turn it down!
我不知道怎么关 I don't know how!
关小声点 Hey, hey, hey, turn that down!
格里夫睡着了 Griffy's asleep.
干嘛穿女人睡衣 布拉德 Why are you dressed like a woman, Brad?
我找不到我的行李 I can't find my stuff.
你确定把我的行李放进车里 Are you sure you got my bag to fit in the car?
是的 位置刚刚好 Yeah, of course. It fit perfect.
别说这个了 我受不了这首歌 Look, can we skip this one? I can't stand this song.
-跳过吧 -不要 萨拉 -Skip it. Skip it, guys. -Oh, no, no, no! No, Sara.
这首歌很棒 This is a great song.
这是我真爸爸最喜欢的圣诞歌 This is my real dad's favorite Christmas song.
我很高兴他高兴 Yeah, well, I'm glad it makes him happy.
你以为我不想喜欢这首歌 You think I don't want to like this song?
我当然想 这歌超级振奋人心 Of course I want to, it's a super uplifting song.
-是啊 -但他毁了我 -Yeah. -But he ruined it for me.
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
我十二岁时 加入了合唱团 All right, so I'm 12 years old, and I join the Glee Club.
合唱团 Glee Club.
我附近的邻居对我很不满 All my buddies in the neighborhood, they gave me crap over it,
但我不在乎 为了节日庆典 but I don't care, because for the holiday pageant
我们练习“他们知道现在是圣诞节吗” we're doing Do They Know It's Christmas?
我承担波诺那部分的演唱 and I was determined to land that Bono part.
♪ 窗外有一个世界 ♪ * There's a world outside your window *
♪ 那里充满忧虑和恐惧 ♪ * And it's a world of dread and fear *
♪ 那里唯一流动的水是 ♪ * Where the only water flowing is... *
我好友德里克·林德迈尔唱斯汀那部分时 So my buddy Derrick Lindmeyer is laying into the Sting part,
在观众席上 我看到了什么 when out in the audience, what do I see?
我爸正给斯科蒂·金博尔的妈妈擦脚 My dad giving Scotty Kimball's mom a foot rub,
根本没听我唱歌 not even paying attention!
我完全错过了波诺那部分 大家都取笑我 I totally missed the Bono part, and everybody made fun of me.
♪ 非洲不下圣诞雪 ♪ * And there won't be snow in Africa *
♪ 今年圣诞节 ♪ * this Christmastime... *
我不记得那件事了 I got no recollection of that.
是啊 我记得 Yeah, well, I do, all right?
还有很多类似的故事 And I got a lot of other stories just like it.
科学博览会 你和布莱恩·海格比的妈妈走了 Science Fair, you left with Brian Higby's mom.
小联盟赛 你和马克·菲茨杰拉德的妈妈和他姑姑走了 Little League regionals, you left with Mark Fitzgerald's mom and his aunt!
是的 我记得了 Oh, yeah, now that I remember.
没错 进入加局 Yeah, yeah. That went into extra innings.
明白我说什么吗 Know what I mean, kid?
-不 -啊 -No. -Ah.
好 Nice.
达斯蒂 别这样 Dusty! Dusty! Come on.
我说过他会毁了圣诞节 He's gonna ruin Christmas, Brad, I'm telling you.
我不想用严厉的爱打击你 Look, I hate to hit you with the tough love,
唯一能毁了你圣诞节的人 but the only person who can ruin your Christmas
就是那面镜子里看着你的人 is looking back at you from that mirror.
-我看到的只有你 -噢 -All I see is you, Brad. -Oh.
抱歉 这样 Okay. Well, sorry. Here. Here.
这样看 There. There we go.
-还是只有你 -是吗 -Still you, Brad. -Is it?
还是你 Yeah, it's still you.
好吧 我在看你 所以我是说你 Okay, well, look, I'm looking at you, so I meant you.
我在看你 所以我看到你 Well, I'm looking at you, so I see you.
别管镜子了 Forget the mirror.
毁掉你圣诞节的只有你自己 You're the only one who can ruin your Christmas.
别看镜子 Don't look at the mirror!
这样看镜子 看到的还是你 I'm still looking at you if I look in the mirror.
别看镜子了 这样不好 Don't worry about the mirror. That was bad.
-忘了镜子吧 -好的 -Forget the mirror exists. -Okay.
我们多关心那些孩子 Let's just focus on those kids
给他们一个比你更好的童年 and giving them a better childhood than you had.
-你说得对 -是吧 -You're right. -Yeah?
一切都为他们 It's about them.
给他们一个更好的圣诞节 It's about giving them a better Christmas.
没错 There you go.
把那个美妙的圣诞节塞进他屁眼里 Yeah, and then we jam that amazing Christmas right in his butthole!
没错 等等 不是 Yes, we do. Wait! Whoa, whoa! No.
是的 Yes!
达斯蒂 我要把镜子拿掉 You know, Dusty, I'm just gonna take the mirror down.
那我们就不用担心了 Then we don't have to worry about it.
好啊 Yeah!
-来了 -来吧 -Here we go. -Here we go.
你的手套呢 Hey, where's your glove?
不 格里夫 No! Griffy!
请原谅 Excuse me.
格里夫 Griffy!
格里夫 嘿 Griffy! Hey!
格里夫 Griffy!
小心 亲爱的 Watch out, honey!
是布拉德 Is that Brad?
-是布拉德 -是布拉德 -That's Brad! -That's Brad.
那个男孩从不 That boy never...
过来 看看 Hey, come here. Look at this.
亲爱的 Mmm. Honey.
-噢 -哎呦 -Oh. -Ow!
圣诞老爸
达斯蒂 怎么样 Dusty, you like that?
圣诞快乐 圣诞老爸
我为子孙后代记下这一点 Let me capture this for posterity.
在特雷霍特耶稣降生是件大事 The Nativity is a big deal in Terra Haute.
这是救赎主 这是丰盛的生命 This is the Redeemer, this is Abundant Life.
爸爸 Dad.
走吧 爷爷 Let's go, Pop-Pop.
-真漂亮 -我们要漂亮的枪 -It's real pretty. -We'll take the pretty gun.
不不不 No. No, no, no, no.
我们不接受 因为我们是无枪家庭 We're not gonna take that today 'cause we are a gun-free family.
上帝啊 他把你变成什么了 Good Lord. What has he turned you into?
-啊 -哈哈 -Ahh! -Ha-ha!
好了 扔下来 All right, throw it down!
来了 布拉德 All right, here it comes, Braddie!
布拉德 Brad!
亲爱的 Hey, honey!
布拉德 Brad! Brad!
戴上帽子 别冻着 You need a hat. You're gonna freeze, babe.
谢谢 亲爱的 Thanks, sweetie.
真可爱 You look cute.
我想和你谈谈 我很担心你爸爸 Hey, I want to talk to you. I'm worried about your dad.
你不觉得他似乎比平时少说话吗 Don't you think he seems slightly less chatty than normal?
你开我玩笑吧 You got to be shitting me.
他没带你妈妈就来了 I mean, he shows up here without your mom?
你不觉得奇怪 可能有什么问题 Don't you think that's weird? There might be a problem?
和我爸妈的关系有关 With my mom and dad's relationship?
是的 Yeah!
什么 他们比我们更爱对方 What? They love each other more than we do!
是啊 Yeah.
我还帮你拿帽子 I brought you your hat!
亲爱的 我不是那个意思 No, honey, I didn't mean it that way.
那是极大赞美 拜托 It's a huge compliment. Come on.
你要理解 You got to understand.
布拉德 圣诞灯 Brad! The Christmas lights!
不不不 No, no, no, no.
所有的灯线都连在一起 All the light strands are connected.
真是坏主意 A terrible idea!
开关都没有用 None of these switches work!
小心 Heads up.
爸爸 操纵杆怎么用 Dad! What are these levers for?
哎哟 Ow!
-萨拉 -走开 -Sara! -Stand clear!
布拉德 Brad!
布拉德 快放手 Brad, let it go!
我不想撞到你的车 I don't want it to hit your car.
快放手 Let it go!
-叫他放手 -放手 -Tell him to let it go. -Let it go!
你没事吧 Are you all right?
看看我的车都搞成什么样 Look what you did to the side of my car, man.
达斯蒂 我很抱歉 Dusty, I'm so sorry.
亲爱的 Honey!
我不会把圣诞老人放回去 I'm not putting that Santa Claus back up there.
我也不想放回屋顶 I don't want to put it back on the roof, either.
他干嘛不放手 Why didn't he let go?
因为他是个白痴 Because he's an idiot!
八十五华氏度
婊子养的 Son of a...
唐 Don.
唐 醒醒 Don, wake up. Don!
唐 醒醒 唐 Don, wake up! Don! Don!
库尔特 你没事吧 你做噩梦了 Kurt, are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?
你需要谈谈吗 Do you need to talk?
我要盖被子 我的心好痛 Yeah, I need to be held. My heart hurts. No!
你调了恒温器 把温度调高了 Did you touch the thermostat? Did you turn it up?
当然没有 Well, of course not.
有人调过恒温器 Did somebody fiddle with the thermostat?
八十五华氏度 Yes! It's 85 degrees.
八十五度 你知道几度的温差 85! Do you have any idea how much
会对油价产生多大的影响 even a few degrees can impact the gas bill?
我当然知道 无法估计 Of course I do! It's unthinkable.
爸爸 库尔特 你们怎么了 Dad? Kurt? What's going on in here?
怎么这么热 Why is it so hot?
有人调过恒温器 Someone fiddled with the thermostat!
谁会那样做 What? Who would do that?
你在干什么 What do you think you're doing?
这里热烘烘的 It's roasting in here!
我喜欢开着窗户睡觉 I like to sleep with my window open.
孩子 Hey, kid.
你可以摸你妈妈家的恒温器吗 Are you allowed to touch the thermostat at your mom's house?
废话 Duh.
怎么了 What is going on?
阿德里安娜 她把恒温器调高 Adrianna! She turned up the thermostat!
她说只要她高兴 随时都可以 Said she fiddles with the thermostat at your place
摆弄你家的恒温器 any time she damn well pleases.
达斯蒂 告诉我那不是真的 Dusty, is that true? Tell me that's not true.
老天 达斯蒂 Oh, criminy, Dusty!
你还不如把钱包和养老金都给她 You might as well give her your wallet and your 401 while you're at it!
布拉德 你会让孩子碰你家的恒温器吗 Brad, do you let the kids touch the thermostat at your house?
不 恒温器是神圣不可侵犯的 What? No! The thermostat is a sacred covenant.
真不敢相信我们竟然在讨论这个 I can't believe we're even talking about this!
真是疯了 This is madness!
天哪 连布拉德家都有秩序 Oh, God, even Brad's got his house in order.
你无权说这些 Hey, you got no right to talk, all right?
让我远离恒温器并不难 It wasn't hard to keep me away from the thermostat
只要把我送去军事学校 once you shipped me off to military school.
库尔特 不会吧 Kurt, you didn't.
他失控了 还尿床 He was out of control. He was a bedwetter.
我会尿床 你也会尿床 I was a bedwetter. Were you a bedwetter?
那时我才四岁 I was four years old!
好了 大家放轻松 Okay, everyone take it easy.
达斯蒂让阿德里安娜欺负并不是他的错 It's not Dusty's fault that he lets Adrianna walk all over him.
她并没有欺负我 She does not walk all over me!
我能理解作为继父 I can see how being a stepdad,
可能没有权力去管教别人的孩子 you might not feel empowered to discipline someone else's child.
别嘲笑我了 Hey, quit your scoffing, all right?
你们俩也别再帮我了 And you two quit helping me.
凯伦和罗杰把她宠坏了 Look, Karen and Roger spoil her to no end.
真是疯狂 It's crazy!
你也无能为力 我明白 And there's nothing you can do. I get it!
你是继父 你就完蛋了 You're the stepdad. You're screwed.
那孩子永远不会尊重你 That kid's never gonna respect you
除非你把拳头放下 unless you bring the hammer down.
怎么回事 布拉德 What the hell was that, Brad?
他是个老派 I know. He's old school.
我觉得你处理得很好 I think you handled this really well, Brad.
我为你的表达方式感到骄傲 I'm so proud of the way you express yourself.
过来 Come here.
又来 不会吧 Again? Really?
晚安 达斯蒂 Good night, Dusty!
-晚安 爸爸 -晚安 布拉德 -Good night, Dad. -Good night, Brad.
新砍圣诞树
-跳 -来吧 格里夫 -Jump! Jump! -Come on, Griff.
跳 Jumpy, jumpy, jumpy!
凯西来了 Casey's here!
嘿 各位 Hey, guys.
嘿 Hey.
迪连 凯西来了 Hey, Dylan, look. Casey's here.
你想用法式吻她吗 You want to come French her?
你想和你女朋友做法式接吻 迪连 Yeah, you want to go do French on your girlfriend, Dylan?
梅根 别作弄他 Megan! Leave him alone.
在哪学的“法式接吻” And where did you learn "do French"?
我去跟他谈谈 I'll go talk to him.
迪连 你好吗 Dylan? You okay, buddy?
我不懂什么是女孩 I just... I don't get the whole girls thing.
噢 Oh.
女孩 是的 这很棘手 Girls, yeah. Yeah, that can be tricky.
你知道谁最了解这方面的问题 But you know who'd be really good in explaining that department?
你爸爸 我去找他 Your dad. Let me go grab him.
不 布拉德 我只想和你谈 No, Brad! I just want to talk to you about this.
只跟你说 拜托 Just you, Brad, please?
你确定不想和你爸爸说 Me? You sure you don't want to talk to your dad?
好吧 女孩之事 Oh, well, girls. Okay.
呃 Huh. Um...
说说女孩之事 All right, the girl talk.
男孩都有 You know, boys have a...
小弟弟 对吧 女孩有小妹妹 A dingle, right? And girls have a hoo-hoo or a whim-wham.
-我已经知道了 -你知道 -Brad, I already know about that stuff. -You do?
-学校教过 很恶心 -太好了 -Yes. From school, and it's gross. -Perfect!
我只想知道如果我 I just want to know what to do if I, you know,
我喜欢某人 I like somebody.
好吧 Right, well...
你要先成为她的朋友 You want to become her friend first.
成为她倾诉的对象 You want to be that one that she confides in,
她告诉你她和约会 that she tells you about all of her problems
对象之间的所有问题 with the guys she's actually dating.
明白了 Got it.
这叫做朋友圈 It's called the Friend Zone.
也是我们惠特克家最擅长的 And it's where we Whitaker men thrive.
我们是这行最棒的 We're the best in the biz. Yeah.
在荒芜的边疆 到处是雄伟的松树 Here we are in a wild frontier, full of majestic pines,
你们两个麻木的疯子 and you two numb nuts are sorting through
在来德爱停车场整理一堆枯枝 a bunch of dried twigs on a Rite Aid parking lot.
你不能在公共场所砍树 You just can't go out on public land and cut down a tree, Dad.
我们就是公众 我们拥有这些树 Dusty, we are the public. We own those trees.
我明白了 你得征求合作爸爸的同意 Oh, I get it. You need to ask co-dad for permission.
闭嘴 我知道你想干什么 Oh, shut up. I know what you're trying to do.
我想干什么 What am I doing?
让我在没征得布拉德同意就不能行动 Make it look like I can't make a move without checking in with Brad first.
我就是这样做 我说得对吗 Yeah, that's what I'm doing. Am I right about that?
老天 Oh, God.
在朋友圈可以随意涂鸦 And we own the paint in the Friend Zone.
肯定会失去一些 没关系 And sure we're gonna lose some. Doesn't matter.
会失去很多 坦白说 We're gonna lose a lot, I'll be frank with you.
你知道些什么 Well, what do you know?
布拉德替你谈那很琐碎的话 Brad's having that nitty-gritty talk for you.
有人来处理棘手的问题一定很爽吧 Must be nice to have someone to handle the tough stuff, huh?
最终会保持联系 And eventually you'll keep in touch.
甚至被邀请参加她们的婚礼 You might even be invited to their wedding!
她们爸爸说“布拉德 你在这里干什么” And their dad's like, "Brad, what are you doing here?
“特丽莎不认识你” "Teresa never talks about you!"
然后你说“我来赴会” And you're like, "I'm invited."
然后他说“我不知道” And he's, "I wonder about that."
然后你给他们看证据 And you show them the proof!
一定要带上婚礼请柬 Always bring the wedding invite with you.
-那他们就不能把你赶走 -好的 -Then they can't kick you out. -Okay.
但你知道她最终没有和你在一起 But you'll be sad ultimately knowing that she's not with you,
你会很难过 就像一盘悲伤的歌曲 and you want to prepare yourself with, like, a mixtape of sad songs.
芝加哥乐队的歌曲都很不错 Anything from Chicago is usually pretty good.
♪ 如果你现在离开我 ♪ * If you leave me now *
♪ 你带走了我最大部分 ♪ * You take away the biggest part of me *
我不太懂那首歌 I don't really know that song.
♪ 噢 宝贝 请不要走 ♪ * Ooh-wee, no, baby, please don't go *
等等 不行 迪连 Wait! No, no, no! Dylan,
这是给你的最坏建议 that is the worst advice anyone could give you.
听你爸爸说 Listen to your dad, please.
没事的 爸爸 不必再谈 It's okay, Dad. We don't have to talk about it.
小家伙 等等 听我说 No, no, buddy, buddy, wait, wait, look!
这东西都是关于自信 Hey, this stuff is all about confidence.
你要相信你就是她能找到的最好 You just got to believe you're the best she's ever gonna find.
你要完全相信 她也会相信 我向你保证 You believe that to your core, and she will, too, I promise you.
但如果她不是呢 But what if she doesn't?
你不能害怕被拒绝 Buddy, you can't be afraid of rejection.
那就永远找不到爱 You'll never find love
如果你害怕不敢表现出来 if you're too scared to put yourself out there.
嘿 眼镜男 Hey, Goggles?
槲寄生就是你的票 Mistletoe is your ticket.
你直接走向她 把这个悬在她的头上 You walk right up to her, you dangle this over her head,
然后把你的意大利吸面对准她 and then you slap your spaghetti suckers right on her.
我不知道这样是否合适 I don't know if that's appropriate.
这是由来已久的节日传统 圣诞大战先生 It's a time-honored holiday tradition, Mr. War-On-Christmas.
然后狠狠地在她屁股上打一巴掌 Then you give her a nice smack on the caboose
告诉她是多么幸运的女孩 and tell her what a lucky girl she is.
-别听那个 -对 别听那部分 -Don't listen to that part, all right? -Yeah, don't listen to that part.
听我说 Look at me. Look at me.
你想进入布拉德那样的朋友圈 You want to be like Brad and be in the Friend Zone,
还是想进入爸爸那样的朋友圈 or you wanna be Dad and get in the end zone?
我像你这么大时这招很管用 This worked for me when I was your age.
你想要这一个 You want to go for it, buddy?
来吧 你行的 Come on, you can do this.
♪ 像我们这样的爱已经很难找 ♪ * A love like ours is love that's hard to find *
♪ 我们怎么能让爱溜走 ♪ * How could we let it slip away? *
我更喜欢布拉德的方式 No! I like Brad's way more.
我只想做她的朋友 听听她的问题 I just want to be her friend and listen to her problems!
我的树 My tree, my tree, my tree, my tree.
我的树 My tree, my tree.
我能喊“木材”吗 Can I yell "Timber"?
-当然可以 宝贝 -好 -Sure can, sweetheart. -Yay!
这样好吗 Is this okay?
这些树能放进木屋吗 Are any of these trees even gonna fit in the cabin?
把上面的二十五英尺砍掉 We're gonna cut off the top 25 feet
把剩下的劈成木柴 唐 and chop the rest up for firewood, Don.
噢 Oh.
这才是我记忆中的达斯蒂破坏王 Now, this is the Duster Buster I remember.
可以制定自己规则的坏蛋 A certified badass that makes his own rules!
去找棵合意的树 Go find a good tree, would you?
我不是很懂 库尔特 Boy, I don't know about this, Kurt.
在公共土地上砍伐树木不违法吗 Isn't it illegal to harvest a tree from public lands?
见鬼 这是联邦犯罪 Oh, hell, yeah. It's a federal crime.
我劝他别这样做 但你知道那家伙有多固执 I tried to talk him out of it, but you know how stubborn that kid can be.
好的 Okay.
达斯蒂 我知道你对迪连很不高兴 Dusty, look, I know you're upset about Dylan, but I just...
我说了 我没生气 我们是合作爸爸 I told you, Brad, I'm not upset, all right? We're co-dads!
他喜欢你糟糕的建议 我不介意 If he prefers your terrible advice, fine, I'm cool with that.
我只想找到一棵合意的圣诞树 I just want to find the perfect Together Christmas tree.
我不知道这是不是最好的选择 Well, I just don't know if it's the best choice, you know?
也许我们不会每次都照你说的做 Well, maybe we're not always gonna do everything your way every time.
天堂也闹麻烦 Trouble in paradise, fellas?
-我们在选树 -只是在聊天 -No, we're picking a tree. -Just having a conversation.
教父 El Padre!
过来看 Lookit!
怎么了 孩子们 找到一只死松鼠了 Hey, what, kids? What, you find a dead squirrel?
没必要按我的方式做事 We don't have to do things my way.
-真的 -是的 -Really? -Yeah.
棒球赛零食呢 What about baseball snack?
我只想分发水果卷 这有什么大不了的 I just wanted to give out Fruit Roll-Ups, and what's the big deal?
我觉得有机水果更有营养 No, I just feel like organic fruit is much more nutritious
而不是什么水果卷 than its rolled-up counterpart.
-是吗 -是的 -Yeah? -Yeah.
梅根的透景画呢 你不想采纳我的主意 And what about Megan's diorama? You didn't want to use any of my ideas.
你唯一的想法就是猪湾 Your only idea was the Bay of Pigs!
那是我们国家历史上的一件大事 But it's an important event in our nation's history!
很血腥 It was bloody.
你让她做绿色能源 这样你就像个完美爸爸 You wanted her to do green energy so you could look Mr. Perfect Dad.
-我不是完美爸爸 -你行动像个完美爸爸 -I'm not Mr. Perfect Dad. -You act like Mr. Perfect Dad.
我不是完美爸爸 I'm not Mr. Perfect Dad.
我们不必按我的方式做事 And we don't have to do things my way.
-是吗 -是的 -Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
你以为我不会使用电锯 Okay. You don't think I can operate a chainsaw, do you?
我在童子军里获得林地管理徽章 Guess who got his woodlands management badge in Webelos.
我行 布拉德·惠特克 I did! Brad Whitaker.
啊 Ah!
达斯蒂 这一棵完美对称 Dusty, look at this one. Perfectly symmetrical.
好的 Okay.
对了 Oh, yeah.
留意护林员 Keep an eye out for rangers!
我得找到一个六十度角的顶部切口 I've got to pinpoint a 60 degree angle top cut.
这是第一步 That's what I'm gonna do first.
太好了 就像切黄油 Oh, yeah! She's cutting like butter!
布拉德 那不是 Hey, Brad, isn't that a...
别去 Hold it, hold it!
木材 Timber!
哇 Wow!
你砍倒了手机信号塔 Brad, you cut down a cell phone tower.
干嘛砍倒手机信号塔 Why'd you cut down a cell phone tower?
没有信号 No bars? No bars?
-太棒了 -起来 -That was excellent! -Get up.
-真是帅呆了 -起来 -You really stuck that landing, man. -Would you get up?
我会给你打九点二分 I'd give you a 9.2 on my card.
-布拉德 起来 -布拉德又死了 -Brad, get up. -I think Brad's dead again.
你害死这个可怜的家伙 Man, you killed the poor bastard!
布拉德 别走向那道光 Brad, don't go into the light!
没事 宝贝 教父会救回他 It's okay, sweetheart. El Padre will bring him back.
-走开一点 -我知道了 -Stand clear. -I got it, all right?
我们在这里都是你的错 It's your fault we're even out here.
你进入我们的大脑 开始干扰我和布拉德 You're getting in our heads and starting static between me and Brad.
你和布拉德之间已经有很多静电了 There's plenty of static between you and Brad already.
在你的心里 你希望他死 And you know what? Deep down, you want him dead, don't you?
你可以说 You can say it.
我们都希望他死 我要他死 大家都一样 We all want him dead. I want him dead. Everybody does.
-什么 -得了 承认吧 -What? -Come on, admit it.
你干嘛不承认你自己是不请自来 Why don't you admit why you invited yourself to Christmas?
你这么聪明干嘛不说你自己 Well, why don't you tell me, smart guy?
因为我回来是想做个好爸爸 'Cause you knew I was back here trying to be a good dad,
为了我的孩子 你从未为我做过 be around for my kids the way you never were for me.
所以你想到处乱搞 That's why you want to crap all over it.
起来 布拉德 Get up, Brad!
我的天 怎么了 Oh, my God, what happened?
你砍倒了手机信号塔 You cut down a cell phone tower, Brad.
你说得对 You know, you're right.
我不请自来过圣诞节 I did invite myself to Christmas.
那是因为你从没邀请我 But that's because you never do.
我觉得我又死了 是不是 I feel like I died again. Did I die again?
有一点 来吧 A little bit. Come on.
ZBX电信公司
我们已经全部结清了 Okay. Our report's all squared away.
非常感谢你们的理解 Yimmy, Bill, thank you guys so much
我们真的很感激 for the understanding. We really appreciate it.
我很抱歉 我真的不好意思 I'm so sorry. I'm truly embarrassed.
那是无心之过 No, hey. It was an honest mistake.
好了 都好了 Okay, you're all set.
我们最好回到现场 锁起来 Okay, We'd better get back to the site and lock it down.
等一下 Hold on one second.
有没有比两万美元更好的办法 Is there any way we could do better than $20,000?
用旧的一些天线设备 Can't you reuse some of the antenna equipment?
不行 这些4G设备已经过时了 Sorry, no. These old 4G units are obsolete already.
所以你买这个才这么便宜 That's why you're getting this one so cheap!
-看起来真漂亮 -确实如此 -It looks really nice, though. -It sure does.
继续用 看起来不错 节日快乐 Hey, guys, keep it up, it looks great. Happy Holidays.
圣诞快乐 各位 谢谢 Happy Christmas, guys. Thanks.
你别告诉我你在圣诞树上花了两万美元 Please tell me you did not just spend $20,000 on a Christmas tree?
没错 “你现在能听到我说话吗” Twenty thousand dollars. "Can you hear me now?"
你想喝点蛋酒吗 You want some eggnog?
-真美味 -嘿 -Mmm. Yummy. -Hey!
-我也要喝 -我也要 -I want some! -Me, too!
姑娘们 大人才能喝 Now, girls, that's a grown-up drink.
对 谢谢你 凯伦 Yes. Thank you, Karen.
只能喝一杯 So we're only gonna have one.
什么 不不不 What? No, no, no!
里面有朗姆酒 不行 There's rum in there, so not any.
啊 Aw!
你在记录我 Are you writing about me?
好了 插上电源吧 All right. Somebody want to plug her in?
我来插 Yeah, I got it.
酷 Cool!
真奇怪 That's weird.
哇 Wow!
你觉得怎么样 What do you think?
好漂亮 It's so pretty.
每英尺一千两百美元 Well, it ought to be at 1,200 bucks a foot.
我们要点亮圣诞树 Dad, we're lighting the tree!
我爸爸在哪 Where's my dad?
怪不得觉得有点安静 Yeah, I thought it was a little quiet around here.
-爷爷 -唐 -Pop-Pop? -Don?
爷爷 Pop-Pop?
他还在外面 Is he still outside?
爸爸 Dad!
爸爸 Dad?
布拉德 Brad!
爸爸 你在哪 Dad! Where are you?
-找到他了 你在哪 -我不知道 -I found him! Where are you? -I don't know.
-你受伤了 -没有 -Are you hurt? -Oh, no, no!
没有 我就是起不来 No, I just can't quite get up.
噢 Oh!
爸爸 别动 Dad, don't move.
你身边有一群狼 There's a pack of wolves on you.
-是这样吗 -是的 -Is that what it is? -Yeah.
我感觉有东西拽我裤子 I can feel something tugging at my trousers.
-狼是什么颜色 -是灰色 -What color are they, Brad? -They're gray wolves.
是北美灰狼 攻击性很强 That'll be Canis lupus. They're dangerous.
真的 不过看起来可以伸手抚摸 Really? They look like you could just reach out and pet them.
我有点想抚摸它们 I kind of want to pet them, Dad.
不要和狼王眼神对视 Now, Brad. Don't make eye contact with the alpha wolf.
我已经做了 正看着呢 I already did! Right in the eyes.
别表现出害怕 Don't show any fear.
我不想看到狼吃掉你 I don't want to watch the wolves eat you!
深呼吸 振作起来 Breathe deep and pull yourself together.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
滚 Hut!
小屋 伤害 Hut! Hurt!
你究竟喊什么 Are you saying "hut" or "hurt"?
爸爸 发生什么事了 Dad, what happened?
我在不远处看到了一棵合意的树 You know, I saw the nicest tree a ways off,
不知不觉就走远了 and I got a little off course.
我尝试打给你电话 但信号突然没了 I tried to call you, but all of a sudden my signal dropped!
真的 Really?
我试图找到回去的路 I tried to find my way back,
但在某一时刻我失去了知觉 but at some point I lost consciousness.
就在那时 狼肯定碰到我了 That's about when the wolves must have come across me.
没事的 小伙子 It's all right, fellas.
没必要去找麻烦 一切都很好 You didn't have to go to any trouble. It's all good.
我很抱歉一直拥抱你 I'm sorry for all the hugs.
我有点不想放手 I kind of don't want to let go.
我差点把你丢给那些可恶的狼了 I almost thought I'd lost you out there to those nasty wolves.
你知道我有多爱你吗 Do you have any idea how much I love you?
我当然知道 你每天都在推特上说 Well, of course I do. You tweet about it every day.
你也知道我有多爱你 You know how much I love you, too, don't you?
你的答案就在这里 Your answer is right in here.
我能看见 I can see it!
好了 现在大家都清楚了 Okay, now that everyone is accounted for,
我们谈谈谁为这个怪物买单 can we please talk about who is paying for that monstrosity?
把树砍倒是达斯蒂的主意 Well, you know, it was Dusty's idea to cut down the tree.
是你动手把手机信号塔砍倒的 Yeah, and it was your idea to cut down the cell phone tower, Brad.
像往常一样我们不得不付钱 Great, so as per usual we get stuck paying.
-这是什么意思 -这树很合意 -Wait, what does that mean? -I think it's a nice tree.
迪连的牙套 梅根的笛子 I don't know. Dylan's retainer? Megan's flute?
你给他们报名学跆拳道 What about Tae Kwon Do that you signed them up for
都没问过我们 and didn't even ask us about?
上周去水族馆的费用是谁付的 Yes, and who paid for the trip to the aquarium last week?
真是一棵合意的树 It's a really nice tree.
现在我们要记账了 So now we're keeping score, huh?
谁付了停车费 又给他们买了充气虎鲸 Well, who paid for the parking and bought each one of them a blowup orca?
我们告诉他们不能玩充气虎鲸 After we told them they couldn't have a blowup orca!
因为你嫌贵 买不起充气虎鲸 Yeah, because you were too cheap to buy them a blowup orca!
谁用除雪机撞坏我的车 是你 Who crushed my car with a snow blower? You did, Brad.
谁用摩托车撞坏我的车 Who crushed my car with a motorcycle?
还是你 Hello! You again!
嘿 Hey!
这棵树很合意 It's a beautiful tree!
很漂亮 It's beautiful, all right?
爸爸说得对 Okay, yeah. Dad's right.
真的很合意 It's a beautiful tree.
哇 Whoa!
对不起 我救不了你的脚 Don, I'm sorry, I don't think I'm gonna be able to save the foot.
脚趾都要掉了 Yeah, that baby's coming off.
需要吗啡和面包刀 I'll need some morphine and a bread knife.
布拉德 按住他 Brad, hold him down.
我的脚就这样 Oh, no. That's just my feet.
这是邮递员的诅咒 It's the mail carrier's curse.
以前我跟你妈睡觉的时候 Back when I used to sleep with your mom,
有一次脚后跟硬皮划伤了她的腿 I once scratched her leg so bad with a piece of rogue heel skin,
居然还流了血 it actually drew blood.
你什么意思 以前和金妮睡过 What do you mean, used to sleep with Ginny?
什么 What?
我们分房而睡 Oh. We sleep in separate bedrooms.
你知道我打鼾有多厉害 You know how badly I snore, Brad.
真是鼓舞人心 Boy, that is inspiring!
你对别人总是那么体贴 You know? The way you're always so considerate to the other person.
呃 Ugh.
我真想拔掉这只脚 I really want to take this foot off.
嘿 宝贝 Hey, sweetie.
你需要关上窗户 You know, you might want to close your window.
现在是冬天 You know, since it's winter?
你不是我爸爸 You're not my dad.
我很感激你每隔几个小时就提醒我一次 You know, I appreciate you reminding me of that every few hours.
这里还有其他人 But, you know, we're not the only people here,
也许把恒温器调到七十五度 so maybe we set the thermostat to like 75?
那仍然很温暖 I mean, that's still really toasty, right?
八十五度 85.
好吧 我在七十八度跟你要价 Okay, well, what if I counter you at like 78?
然后我们协商 你大概要八十三度 And then you negotiate with me, you come back at like 83,
我们在八十度时和解 and then maybe we settle at like 80.
-你认为怎么样 -八十一度 -What do you say to that? -81.
成交 Deal!
我们俩开始意见一致了 Look at that. The two of us are starting to see eye to eye.
谢谢你 宝贝 Thank you, sweetie.
感谢上帝 Thank God.
布拉德拿了些体贴热可可 真是个混蛋 There's Brad with some makeup cocoa for being such a jerk.
谢谢你 Thank you.
-布拉德 你干什么 -老天 -Brad! What are you doing? -Oh, God.
-你干嘛要这样 -看给你逼的 -Why would you do that? -Look what you made me do!
-我来不及反应 -我没逼你 -I didn't do anything. -I didn't make you do it!
我还以为你给我带了热可可 I thought you were bringing me hot makeup cocoa
而你竟然淋在自己身上 and you just, like, threw it all over yourself.
你差点烫了我 布拉德 You almost burned me, Brad!
-热可可不是给你的 -为什么 -I wasn't bringing you makeup cocoa. -Why not?
那样我会说“给你 速溶热可可” I would've said, "Here, bud, here's some makeup cocoa."
-我在等体贴热可可 -我不知道 -I've been waiting for my makeup cocoa. -I didn't know that!
如果我知道你想要速溶热可可 If I knew you wanted makeup cocoa, I would've...
八十一度 81!
别碰 No, no, don't touch that!
我刚说服她调好 I talked her down from the high 80s.
我和她关系开始好转 I'm making progress with her. This is good.
我以为你把家理得头头是道 I thought you had your house in order.
你不明白吗 Look, don't you see?
我们这样正是他想要的 We're doing exactly what he wants.
我们正把不满释放出来 We're letting things out of the harbor!
-所以你对我不满 -我当然不满 -So you are harboring. -Of course I'm harboring!
你也一样 And so are you.
在他出现之前我们没有互相不满 Harboring was working just fine before he showed up.
我们把一切都放回心里 Let's get everything back in the harbor
把一切都放回去 放下所有的不满 and let's harbor it all back in and close up the harbor.
我不知道能否做到 I don't know if I can!
你说过把注意力放在孩子身上 Remember you said let's put the focus back on the kids?
这样很好 That was a great idea!
-好吧 放下不满 -很好 -Fine. Harbor's closed. -Good.
手机信号塔的钱我们各付一半 But we're going halfsies on the cell tower.
好吧 各付一半 Fine, halfsies on the cell tower.
布拉德 你没事吧 Brad, are you okay?
没事 Yeah.
-你尿床了 -不 是可可 -Did you make tee-tee in bed? -No, it's cocoa.
你的可可让你尿床了 Did your cocoa make you tee-tee in bed?
你在梦游 回去睡吧 You're sleepwalking. Go back to sleep.
大男人不需要感到尴尬 The big boy doesn't have to be embarrassed.
我怎么向身上撒尿 How would I pee upwards?
七号半和十三号 7 and a half. 13.
圣诞节前三天
-很好 -是的 -Pretty good. -Yeah.
有进步 Better than before.
瓶子倒得很爽 Yeah, the skip was really cool.
你不知道 保龄球规矩 Hey. Do you mind? Bowler's etiquette.
-什么意思 -你妨碍我了 -What do you mean? -It means you're crowding me.
什么 我妨碍你打球 What? You can't bowl with me here?
听起来像是全中 That sounded like a strike.
你觉得如何 How's your hearing?
-迪连 你上来 -好吧 -Dylan, come on, buddy, you're up! -All right.
来吧 你可以的 Let's go. Hey, come on. You can do this, okay?
那东西是怎么回事 Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the kiddie stuff?
-栏杆 -是的 -What? The rails? -Yeah.
那是小孩学习如何打保龄球 It's how the kids learn how to bowl, Dad.
要学习不怕掉进沟 You learn by fearing the gutter.
就像人生一样 Like in life, Dusty.
栏杆帮助小保龄球选手树立积极的自我形象 Now, Kurt. The rails help a young bowler build a positive self-image.
迪连 过来 Dylan, come here.
你想要那些娘娘腔的栏杆 Do you want to bowl with those sissy rails up,
还是像男子汉一样打保龄球 or do you want to stand and bowl like a man?
我不需要栏杆 I don't need the rails, I guess.
好样的 我为你骄傲 Attaboy! I'm proud of you, kid.
我也为你感到骄傲 大个子 Hey, I'm proud of you too, big guy, all right?
迪连不想用栏杆 Dylan's going without the rails.
不要栏杆 好的 迪连 No rails? Whoo! All right, Dylan!
别害怕把球扔高了 Don't be afraid to release it high.
来吧 Here we go.
扔得好 Good try.
当他泪流满面 说“我什么都不行”时 When he's up there with the tears and "I suck at everything" business,
那是你的责任 经历丰富先生 that's on you, Mr. School of Hard Knocks.
比他住在你的地下室 Hey, better than him living in your basement
二十年要好 娘娘腔栏杆先生 in 20 years, Mr. Sissy Rails.
来吧 再试一次 Come on, buddy. Give it another shot.
新的尝试 新的开始 Okay. New start, new beginning. Here we go.
好 Yay!
不错 Oh, yeah.
他了解这个游戏吗 Are we certain he understands the game?
似乎想把球扔进沟 He seems to almost be trying to put it in the gutter.
他要把球扔得更高 I know. He needs to get more height on the ball.
我讨厌这种无聊的游戏 太蠢了 I hate this frickin' game! It's so frickin' stupid!
各位 快看啊 Hey, everybody, check it out!
这孩子就要打出完美的零分了 This kid's about to bowl a perfect zero.
别多管闲事 Hey, mind your business!
这会让他对自己有什么感觉 Hey, how do you think this is gonna make him feel about himself?
这就是性格塑造 Well, this is character building.
包括嘲笑 Even the ridicule.
-来吧 -加油 迪连 -Come on, bud. -Come on, Dylan!
没关系 It's okay.
我什么都不行 I suck at everything!
我不玩了 I quit, I quit!
小子 听好了 Hey. Hey, kid, listen.
我们梅隆家的男人可能不会总是露脸 We Mayron men might not always show up.
虽然我们想 我们要 I mean, we want to show up, we intend to,
但有时 在前一天晚上搞砸了 but sometimes, we get trashed the night before,
或者我们欲速则不达 or we wreck a speedboat,
或者坐着阿联酋航班与空姐调情 or hook up with some Emirates flight attendants
最后却坐着红眼航班去迪拜 and somehow end up on a redeye to Dubai.
你明白我的意思 You know what I mean.
关键是我们不会总是露脸 The point is, we may not always show up,
但做到时 我们又回到起点 but when we do, we finish what we start.
现在站起来 击倒瓶子 Now you get up there and grab those balls.
你来吧 Come on, you got this.
加油 Go, bro!
接受下注 I'll take that.
我是庄家 I'll cover that.
加油 宝贝 Come on, honey!
-加油 -你可以的 -Come on, buddy. -You can do it, kid.
拜托 Please. Please.
我做到了 Whoo! I did it!
谢谢你相信我 教父 Thanks for believing in me, El Padre!
我就知道你行的 You bet, buddy! I knew you had it in you!
你是赢家 You're a winner! You're a winner!
我成功了 I did it!
你们去哪了 Hey, where were you guys?
就快排到我们了 We're almost at the front of the line here.
我们在星巴克考察当地人才 We were at the Starbucks checking out the local talent.
隔桌可爱小女孩一直看着这小子 Cute little number at the next table was giving this one the eye.
教父要了煮咖啡女士的电话号码 And El Padre got a phone number from the lady who made the coffees.
我们喝免费咖啡 We got free ones!
-我要喝咖啡 -什么 快排队 -I drink coffee now. -What? Get in here.
大跳跃 Big jump!
欢迎来到北极 Welcome to the North Pole!
宝贝 你确定不想和他们去看圣诞老人 Hey, honey, are you sure you don't want to go see Santa with the boys?
之前你很想去 You were so excited.
圣诞老人真没劲 Mom, Santa is so lame.
-快来 -他听得见 -Come on. -He can hear you, you know!
我很抱歉 You know, I'm sorry...
我女儿认为你女儿很了不起 My daughter thinks that your daughter is amazing.
真可爱 Oh, that's sweet.
很可爱 你说得对 Which is cute, you're right,
有时阿德里安娜做某些事 but sometimes when Adrianna does certain things,
梅根会认为这样做也可以 因为你说过 then Megan thinks that it's okay to do it because you said that...
我的天 Oh, my God.
你这是在偷东西 Are you really stealing right now?
有时我也偷点东西 Sometimes I shoplift a little bit.
寻求刺激 It's exciting!
好吧 这样很刺激 No! I mean... Okay, yeah, it's a little exciting.
我的心都快跳出来了 My heart's really beating out of my chest.
万一被逮了呢 你得放回去 What if we get caught? You got to put it back!
你真乖 You're so obedient.
别总是循规蹈矩 You're always following the rules, you know.
拜托 萨拉 Come on, Sara.
跟我一起玩 别紧张 Have a little fun with me. Relax.
我很想跟你一起玩 I mean, I would love to have a little fun with you,
我想让你知道 我并不温顺 but I just want you to know, I am not obedient, okay?
-那把这个放进兜里 -不 谢谢 -Then put this in your pants. -No. No, thank you.
别弄我的胸部 有点怪 And don't touch my boobs. It's weird.
住手 我才不偷东西 Stop it! I'm not going to shoplift!
-为什么 -因为 -Why not? -Because...
你马上就明白为什么了 Because you're about to see why.
-对不起 小姐 -是 -Pardon me, miss? -Yes?
-这女人是否骚扰你 -什么 -Is this woman bothering you? -What?
她为人有点挑剔 不过很好 谢谢你 She's a little judgmental, but she's fine. Thank you.
别担心 No worries.
欢迎来到北极 Welcome to the North Pole!
你圣诞节想要什么 And what do you want for Christmas?
我来得及时 Oh, I didn't miss it. Hi!
看那里 拍张靓照 Right there. This is a great shot.
-拍到了吗 亲爱的 -我拍了一张靓照 -Are you getting it, honey? -Yeah, I got a good one.
拍得真好 That's a great shot.
谢谢 圣诞老人 Thank you, Santa.
-不客气 -亲爱的 -You're welcome! -Hi, honey.
你怎么样 大兄弟 What about you, big brother?
你做得不错 你想要什么 I'm sure you've been good. What's on your list?
我想要 I kind of want
一把20号猎枪 a 20-gauge shotgun,
这样可以和教父去猎火鸡了 so I can go turkey hunting with my El Padre!
搞什么鬼 谁教他的 What the heck? Where'd he come up with that?
他想要一支枪 Did he just ask for a firearm?
当然了 20号 那小子很懂行 Sure did! 20-gauge. Kid knows his guns.
库尔特 我们已经谈过了 Kurt, we've already been through this. Dusty and I...
最后声明 没有那回事 Yeah, it is final. That's it. It's not happening.
真的 我怎么不记得讨论过 Really? Because I don't remember being part of that discussion.
或者我只是乖巧小妻子 听命于男人 Or am I just some little obedient wife who does whatever the men folk say?
是啊 这对我很不公平 Yeah, that doesn't seem quite fair to me.
滚开 库尔特 Oh, piss off, Kurt.
亲爱的 他说的是枪 Honey, he's talking about a gun.
如果可以 我要 If I may, can I just
和我孙子说句话 have a word with my grandson?
我只是想让你完全理解你的要求 I just want you to fully understand what you're asking for.
带一把枪走进荒野 To take a gun into the wilderness,
找一只自由自在的野生动物 find an animal living free,
并夺走动物的生命 and take away its life.
那动物再也不能呼吸或奔跑 So that it can never breathe or run
或无法再玩耍了 or play ever again.
这就是你想要的吗 Now, is that what you really want?
是的 Yes.
-不 我不想那样做 -啊 -No. I don't want to do that. -Ah.
你心地善良 迪连 You have a good heart, Dylan.
我来吧 我要杀火鸡 I'll do it! I'll kill a turkey!
我要射火鸡 拜托 Can I shoot one? Please?
我要一把猎枪 圣诞老人 I'll have one shotgun, please, Santa.
还要很多子弹 And gobs and gobs of bullets.
不 甜心 对不起 No, no, no, cupcake. No, I'm sorry.
不 男人打猎 你们女人煮猎物 No, the men do the hunting. You ladies cook what we kill.
你说什么 Excuse me?
是啊 对不起 Yeah, excuse you?
来吧 火鸡 Here, turkey, turkey, turkey!
要有耐心 宝贝 Be patient, sweetheart.
诱饵就在附近 The decoys are right around the corner.
太棒了 达斯蒂 This is nice, huh, Dust?
你和我 就像以前一样呼吸新鲜空气 You and me, the fresh air. Just like old times.
你说什么“就像以前一样” What do you mean "just like old times"?
你只带我出来一次 You only took me once, Dad.
老天 我不知道 Jeez, I don't know.
你确定这是个好主意 萨拉 Are you sure this is a good idea, Sara?
梅根是个性坚强独立女孩 Megan is a strong independent woman.
她想要帮助减少野生火鸡的数量 If she wants to help thin the wild turkey population
这样火鸡就不会在冬天饿死 so that they don't starve to death in the winter,
这是宪法第二修正案赋予的权利 that is her right by the Second Amendment.
天哪 你接受得很快 Boy, you bought into that real quick.
我认为对梅根来说 I mean, I think for Megan,
这不是关于野生动物保护 而是嗜血 this is less about wildlife conservation and more about bloodlust.
看来有人选错日子当火鸡了 Looks like somebody picked the wrong day to be a turkey.
把手肘放低 握紧枪托 Keep your elbow down and cradle the stock, okay.
我明白 Yeah, I get it.
我到底能不能开枪 Can I shoot the damn thing or not?
对 就是这样 Yeah, that's the spirit.
深呼吸 Take a deep breath,
然后扣动扳机射击 and then squeeze that trigger as you're letting it out.
梅根 你确定这是你想做的 Megan, are you sure this is what you want to do?
我们快命名吧 Let's name it.
如果名字有的话 她不会杀的 She's not gonna kill it if it has a name.
-好 格特鲁德 -山姆 汤姆 -Yes! Gertrude. -Sam? Tom?
比莉·荷莉戴 不 Billie Holiday! No.
-以利亚 -以利亚 -Elijah. -Elijah!
-以利亚 快回家 -别动摇 -Elijah, run home! -Stand your ground, kid.
拯救自己 以利亚 Save yourself, Elijah!
开枪吧 孩子 Take the shot, kid. Take the shot.
不 以利亚有感觉 No, Elijah has feelings!
快开枪 Take the shot!
老天 Oh, God!
爸爸 Dad!
我的天 宝贝 你没事吧 Oh, my God. Honey, are you okay?
-库尔特 -爸爸 你没事吧 -Kurt! -Dad, Dad, are you all right?
我没事 她只是打偏 I'm okay. She just winged me.
对不起 教父 I'm sorry, El Padre! I'm sorry.
没关系 孩子 我中弹的次数比这还多 That's okay, kid. I've been shot worse than this plenty of times.
把围巾做成止血带 Make your scarf into a tourniquet.
绑在他的肩膀上 Wrap it around his shoulder.
抬起他的腿 Lift his legs!
-你会没事的 甜心 -我要流血了 -You'll be fine, sweetheart. -I'm gonna bleed out.
哇 Wow.
三连发 Two for two.
值得一试 Makes getting shot worth it.
捡回火鸡 布拉德 Get the birds, Brad.
老天 我都不认识这孩子 God! I don't know who this child is.
你去捡那只 You get that one.
别说 我知道 What? I know, okay?
全怪我 我是世界上最差劲的妈妈 It's on me. I'm the worst mom in the world.
我把枪放在我女儿手里 她差点杀了人 I put a gun in my daughter's hand, and then she nearly killed somebody.
她一辈子都会有阴影 She's gonna be scarred for life.
嗨 Hi!
我刚射杀了一只火鸡和一个人 I just shot a turkey and a man.
猜猜谁死了 Guess which one's dead.
也许她只是太天真了 Okay, fine, maybe she's a little too unscarred.
老天 Jeez.
-你没事吧 -没事 -You all right? -Yeah, good.
好吧 听着 医生说一切都好 All right. So, listen, the doctor said everything is gonna be all right.
你得留院观察几个小时 He just wants to keep you for a couple of hours
测量你的血压 to watch your blood pressure.
我很好 我的裤子呢 I'm fine. Where's my pants?
我忘了 没什么能伤害你 Hey. I forgot. Nothing ever hurts you.
干嘛不把护士叫来 Why don't we just round up all the nurses?
我们可以把他们都叫来 We can bring them in here.
你可以做俯卧撑给他们看 You could do some pushups for them,
也许可以在沙发上做推举 maybe bench press the couch a little bit,
证明你还是个硬汉 prove you're still a tough guy.
还可以轻松打败你 小子 Still tough enough to lick you, Junior.
-你在嘲笑我 -我没有嘲笑 -Was that a scoff? -I didn't scoff.
我刚才听到你在嘲笑我 Yeah, I heard you scoff just then.
我是嘲笑 那又怎样 All right, I scoffed. So what?
因为你认为你能打败我 Why, because you think you can lick me, right?
我没说打败你 但我肯定能打败你 I never said I could lick you, but I could whoop you for sure.
现在说了 Now we're talking!
快点 三个回合最好 Come on. Best out of three falls, come on.
别说了 我才不和一个老头摔跤 Hey, cut it out, okay? I'm not gonna wrestle an old man
屁股还露出医院的病号服 whose ass is hanging out of his hospital gown.
希腊罗马式摔跤 最佳方式 Greco-Roman style. Best way. Come on.
霹雳上校 我才不会那样做 Hey, Great Santini, I'm not gonna do this, all right?
-省省吧 休息一下 -好吧 -Cut it out. Get some rest. -All right.
嘿 Hey!
一回合 软蛋 That's one, candy-ass.
你要挨鞭子了 老头子 Now you're gonna get whipped, old man.
快点 放马过来 Come on. Bring it on.
-认输 -不 我可以玩整晚 -Tap out! -Nah. I can keep going all night, kid.
你听到我心跳 你可以见识一下 You hear that heart rate? You can set your watch to it.
是啊 冰水只以一种速度流动 Yeah. 'Cause ice water only flows at one speed, huh?
没错 现在去睡觉 That's right, pal. Now go to sleep.
我进来是想说些好话 现在你可以忘掉了 You know I came in to say something nice, but now you can forget it.
什么好话 What nice thing?
算了吧 No. Forget it.
当那枪响的时候 You know, when that gun went off,
我以为你完蛋了 I thought you were a goner.
有些事我们永远不会说 There's something that we never say that
我们中有人应该说否则为时已晚 one of us should say before it's too late.
是吗 什么话 Yeah? Like... Like what?
我现在不想说 也许你想说点什么 No, I'm not gonna say it now, but maybe you want to say something.
-我不知道你在说什么 -是吗 -I don't know what you're talking about. -Oh, yeah?
看起来你有心里话要说 Seems like you might want to get something off your chest.
什么也想不起来了 No. Nothing comes to mind.
如果你想说什么 But if you want to say something,
我不会阻止你的 I'm not gonna stop you or anything.
不 我很好 No, I'm good.
你可能想卸下自己的负担 But you might wanna unburden yourself
在你撑爆那台机器之前 before you bust that frickin' machine.
如果有我会说 但我没有 Yeah. Well, if I was gonna say something, and I'm not...
你想说什么 What are you gonna say?
如果我有 我可能会告诉你 But if I was, I might want to tell you that I...
你好 Hello?
是布拉德 别出声 Wait, it's Brad! Don't... Don't say it! Don't say it.
敲敲门 Knock, knock!
数到三就松开 一二三 Time out on three, okay? One, two, three.
布拉德 Hey, Brad.
怎么了 What's going on?
我打扰了什么吗 Hey. Am I interrupting something?
-什么 没有 -我们很好 -What? No, nothing. -No, we're fine.
你怎么这么奇怪 Why are you being so weird, Brad?
这里看起来有点尴尬 Just seems a little awkward in here.
天哪 闻起来像斗牛 Oh, gosh. It smells like a bullfight.
好吧 两位 So, look, guys,
我不是来告诉你们我说过的 I'm not here to tell you I told you so,
尽管我已经说过 even though I did.
我一直在想 I've just been thinking that
我们最近关系很紧张 我想 we've had a lot of tensions as of late, and I thought
也许我们可以利用爸爸之夜 maybe we could use a Dads' Night Out. Right?
那我们要去哪儿 Yeah. So what are we thinking, Brad?
脱衣舞俱乐部 Strip club?
甚至更好 Even better.
你背上有一只可爱的小猴子 Look, it's a cute tiny monkey on your back.
把抽屉里的钱和棒棒糖都给我们 Give us all the money in the drawers and all the lollipops.
我跟不上了 Guys, I can't keep up.
我要去趟厕所 I'm gonna hit the head.
-我再去拿点饮料 -好 -I'll get us a couple more drinks. -Sure.
我没看错吧 你们玩得很开心 Hey, am I crazy or are you guys having a good time?
我不知道 我想有点 I don't know. I think we kind of are.
-太棒了 达斯蒂 -谢谢 -That's wonderful, Dusty! -Thanks, Don.
我们会好好照顾你们 I told you we'd rub off on you two.
在这个房间里 In this room right now,
有一个人 尽管年事已高 there's a man who, despite his advancing years,
似乎是个即兴忍者 is apparently an improv ninja.
布拉德 不会吧 Brad, you didn't.
是的 I did. I so did!
唐·惠特克 女士们先生们 Don Whitaker, ladies and gentlemen!
好吧 All right. All right.
你是最棒的 You are the greatest.
我们为唐鼓掌 Don! Let's hear it for Don!
我们来玩个“双手叉腰” We're gonna play a little "Arms Akimbo."
你知道怎么玩吗 Do you know that one?
-当然知道 -太棒了 -Of course I do! -Awesome.
他们会喜欢的 They're gonna love this.
-谁帮我弄一下搭扣 -好 -Can somebody do my Velcro? -Yes.
他的手臂是小女孩的 He's got tiny little girl arms!
我们要拍一个场景 需要一些建议 Okay. We're gonna do a scene, and we need some suggestions.
可以推荐一种动物 Can you suggest an animal?
-浣熊 -熊猫 -Raccoon! -A panda!
浣熊 好的 Raccoon, good! All right.
先生 你的职业是什么 And, sir, what is your profession?
我是皮肤科医生 I'm a dermatologist.
最后 我们需要一种人际关系 And finally we need a human relationship.
父亲和儿子 Oh! Father and son!
一种健康的父子关系 A healthy father and son relationship.
或者离婚关系 Or how about a divorce?
现在你开始有点精神了 Now you're getting in the spirit, Dusty.
好 我们选“离婚” Yes. Okay. We're taking "divorce."
这就够了 好了 That's all we need. Give it up!
真的很黑暗 That's really dark.
来吧 宝贝 Oh, come on, babe.
在他来之前找点乐子 Just a little fun before he gets here.
住手 我说过了 No. Stop it. I told you, okay?
在离婚确定之前不能亲热 No canoodling until the divorce is finalized.
-这样不好 -来嘛 -It's not right. -Come on.
敲敲门 Knock, knock.
他根本不知道自己要面对什么 He has no idea what he's walking into!
你回来了 You're home!
是的 Yes.
你去哪儿了 Where were you?
我带浣熊去看皮肤科医生 I took our raccoon to the dermatologist.
他已经用了两条建议 He got two of the suggestions already.
真的不错 He's on fire!
家里有个陌生人你都不想招呼 Aren't you even gonna address the strange man in your home?
是啊 老兄 难道你不想知道我是谁 Yeah, bro, don't you even want to know who I am?
我知道你是谁 I know who you are.
唐 如果你不介意 Don, if you'll excuse me,
我会把这个送给你老婆 I think I'm gonna start giving it to your wife.
闭嘴 Shut up!
别说那种话了 Just shut up with that kind of talk!
我们在那次航班上认识 我对你真的很好 When we met on that flight, I was really nice to you.
我听你一遍又一遍地那愚蠢的故事 I listened to you tell your stupid story over and over again,
我还称赞了你的帽子 and I complimented your hat!
-我们得阻止这一切 -他棒极了 -Brad, we have to stop this. -He's killing!
你没看到发生了什么吗 Don't you see what's happening?
看到了 一屋子人在嘲笑我父亲 I do. I see a room of people laughing at my father.
-太精彩了 -好吧 -It's amazing. -Okay.
-喝点水 -我不要水 -Have some water. -No, I don't want water.
噢 Oh!
我不要水 I don't want water!
我要我老婆回来 I want my wife back.
我想要我们周日在一起早午餐 And I want our Sunday brunches at the Cracker Barrel.
布拉德 我们得把他弄下台 Braddie, we've got to get him off the stage.
你只需要有人听你的话 All you needed was somebody to listen to you,
而我只需要说话 and all I do is talk.
一遍又一遍 On and on and on.
我什么时候才能学会闭上大嘴 When am I ever gonna learn to shut my big fat mouth?
噢 Ooh.
金妮 Ginny.
我可爱的金妮 My sweet Ginny.
他干嘛用我妈妈的真名 Why is he using my mom's real name?
爸爸 Hey, Dad?
这是真的吗 Is this true?
你和妈妈离婚了 Are you and Mom divorced?
我想要告诉你 I wanted to tell you, Brad.
儿子 你从夏令营回来了 Son, you're home from summer camp!
我不参加夏令营 我是成年人 I don't go to summer camp, I'm a grown man. Okay?
你们笑什么 我不是参与演出 Why are you laughing? I'm not part of this! Okay?
你是这个家庭的一员 你会尊重你的父母 You are a part of this family, and you will respect your parents.
-是啊 -闭嘴 -Yeah. -Shut up!
-布拉德 -给我闭嘴 -Brad. -Just shut up.
别把我扯进去 Let me out of this bit!
那他呢 他还在吗 What about him? Is he still around?
我有个继父 Do I have a stepdad?
别这样对我了 我是付费客户 Stop doing that to me! I'm a paying customer!
布拉德 走吧 Brad, let's go.
来吧 Come on.
平安夜
你能不能出去和他谈谈 Will you please just go out there and talk to him?
他不跟我说话 我也不怪他 He won't talk to me, and I don't blame him.
这并不全是你的错 You know, it's not really all your fault.
你不能怪达斯蒂 You can't blame Dusty.
他提出那个即兴表演时 并不知道金妮和我的事 He couldn't have known about Ginny and me when he made that improv suggestion.
-你知道 -这很明显 唐 -You did know! -It was pretty obvious, Don.
像你这种年纪的人加入即兴表演 A guy your age either joins an improv group
因为老婆离开了他 because his wife left him,
或者这样他老婆离开他 or his wife left him because he joined an improv group.
-所以你是故意的 -不是 -So you did it on purpose? -No! Well...
好吧 我是故意的 Well, yeah. All right? I did.
你和布拉德情意绵绵 对你们的关系自鸣得意 You and Brad are all lovey-dovey and smug about your relationship.
尽一切机会表现出来 I mean, you make out every chance you get.
同时 我爸爸却抛弃了我 Meanwhile, my dad's ditching out on me.
也许我有点嫉妒 Maybe I got a little jealous, all right?
我没想到你会发疯 Look, I didn't think you were gonna freak out
对着一屋子喝醉的滑雪者倾吐 and spill your guts to a room full of drunken skiers!
-你怎么了 -什么 -Hey. What is wrong with you? -What? I didn't...
现在就去解决这个问题 Go out there and fix this right now.
-快去 -好吧 -Go! -All right.
你写什么 Are you serious?
我没收这个 I'm keeping this.
你没事吧 Are you okay?
呃 Uh...
我父母离婚了 My parents are divorced.
我父母也是 Oh. Mine, too.
烂透了 Sucks.
-是啊 -我想那是我的错 -Yeah. -I think it was my fault.
-那个也是你的错吗 -我不知道 希望不是 -Was yours your fault, too? -I don't know. I hope not.
我昨晚才知道 你什么时候发现的 I just found out last night. When did you find out?
-我还是个婴儿 -你还是个婴儿 -I was a baby. -When you were a baby?
也许是你的错 你是个难搞的婴儿 Maybe it was your fault. Were you a difficult baby?
我不知道 I don't know.
你毫无知觉 我觉得那是你的错 You know what? Your lack of specifics leads me to believe it was your fault.
不是的 宝贝 你并不难相处 No, no, no! You were not a difficult baby, sweetheart.
你想对那孩子说什么 Brad, dude, what are you telling the kid?
我知道你对昨晚的事很生气 Come on, man. I know you're upset about last night.
对发生的事我很抱歉 All right? I'm sorry about what happened, okay?
我并不想提出那个即兴的建议 I didn't mean to give that improv suggestion.
只是脱口而出 It just... It just kind of slipped out.
-达斯蒂 没关系 -是吗 -Know what, Dusty? It's okay. -Really?
-是的 -谢谢你 -Yeah. -Thanks, Brad.
你干嘛不进去和唐谈谈 他感觉有点 Look, why don't you come in and talk to Don? He's feeling a little...
天哪 我想知道那是谁 Oh, my gosh. I wonder who that could be?
多漂亮的卡车 What a nice truck!
爸爸 Daddy!
-你在这儿干什么 -我做什么了 -What are you doing here? -Come on. What am I doing?
我想和我完美的女儿一起庆祝圣诞节 I want to celebrate Christmas with my perfect little girl.
你不想和你亲生的父亲一起过节吗 Don't you want to spend the holidays with your one true real dad?
好啊 来吧 Yeah, come on!
-我们进小屋吧 -罗杰 -Let's come see the cabin. -Hey, Roger.
太酷了 It's so cool!
快点 你走得太慢了 Come on, hurry. You're going too slow.
我来了 宝贝 I'm coming, sweetheart.
你邀请他大老远来就是为了报复我 You invite him all the way up here just to get back at me?
是的 没错 Yeah, I did.
-库尔特 打电话给我 -下次我来的时候 -Bye, Kurt! Call me! -Yeah, next time I'm in.
那是她爸爸 That's her dad, yeah?
啊哈 Uh-huh.
你也邀请了他 And you invited him, too, didn't you?
没错 I sure did, yep.
我不知道我错过了什么 情况越来越好了 I don't know what I missed, but this is getting good, boys.
-我喜欢你的风格 -嘿 -I like your style, Brad. -Hey, hey, hey.
你把不满全都释放出来了 You're opening up the harbor, Brad.
港口大开 今天是舰队周 The harbor is wide open, and it's Fleet Week!
因为我有几艘船想要起航了 All right, good. 'Cause I got a few boats that want to set sail.
很好 我也一样 Yeah, good. So do I.
你喜欢格里夫胜过我的孩子 You favor little Griffy over my kids.
什么 我没有 What? I do not!
他总是睡在你的床上 He gets to sleep in your bed all the time.
梅根和迪连就不行 Megan and Dylan never get to.
你要他们和我一起睡在床上 You want them to sleep in my bed with me?
上帝 你想都别想 God, no! Don't you ever think about it!
我没在想这个 I'm not thinking about it!
-是你提出来的 -你最好不要 -You brought it up. -Good! You better not.
-闭嘴 -你闭嘴 -Shut up! -Hey, you shut up.
-你才闭嘴 -你闭嘴 -You shut up! -No, you shut up!
他不会参与我们今晚计划的特别活动 Okay. Well, he's not gonna be part of that special thing we got planned tonight,
如果你是这样想的 if that's what you're thinking.
所以你要告诉阿德里安娜 Oh, yeah? So you're gonna tell Adrianna
大家参加那个“特别活动” that everyone's invited to that "special thing"
今晚都计划好了 除了她爸爸 we have planned for tonight, except her dad.
我们今晚计划的特别活动
再过五分钟 我就可以扮约瑟夫了 Hey. Five more minutes and I get to be Joseph.
你不是扮演耶稣父亲的合适人选 You're not the right type to play Jesus' dad, Brad.
他不是耶稣的父亲 他是耶稣的继父 He wasn't Jesus' dad, he was Jesus' stepdad.
而我正是这种类型的人 And I'm exactly the right type.
你最好别再用 You'd better stop hitting me
那根牧羊棍打我 我警告你 with that shepherd stick, Brad. I'm warning you.
布拉德说得对 他扮演约瑟夫 Brad's right. Let him be Joseph.
谢谢你 罗杰 我很感激 Thank you, Roger, I appreciate that.
轮到布拉德了 达斯蒂 It's Brad's turn, Dusty.
爸爸 别破坏人格 Dad, don't break character.
别再拍我马屁了 And stop trying to butter me up.
-我们表现得礼貌点 -我表现得很有礼貌 -Can we show some decorum? -I'm showing decorum.
闭嘴 你们会吵醒婴儿耶稣 You guys, zip it! You're gonna wake up Baby Jesus.
好了 把胡子给我 That's it. Give me the beard.
别碰我的约瑟夫胡子 Don't touch my Joseph beard, Brad!
-把胡子给他 -没你的事 -Give him the beard! -Dad, stay out of it!
我们能不能尊重一下耶稣降生 Can we have some respect for the Nativity?
住嘴 Cut it out!
真是愚蠢 我都不明白 This is stupid. I don't even get it.
玛利亚快要生孩子了 干嘛还要出行 Why go on a trip when Mary's about to have a baby?
什么事这么重要 What's so damn important
大半夜的跑去伯利恒 you got to go to Bethlehem in the middle of the night?
有人口普查 我们在主日学校学习过 There was a census, okay? We covered that in Sunday School.
梅根 怎么回事 Megan, what is going...
你喝蛋酒了 Did you get into the eggnog?
谁想来点煎饼 Hey. Who's up for some IHOP?
那孩子喝醉了 Yeah, that kid's pickled all right.
妈妈 真漂亮 我们去吃煎饼 Mom, you're pretty. Can we go to IHOP?
抱歉 各位 I'm sorry, folks.
出现技术上的故障 Having some technical difficulties.
爸爸 你打破了第四堵墙 Great, Dad. Now you've broken the fourth wall!
这都不是真的 None of it's real, folks.
我想去车里等 I want to go wait in the car.
把钥匙给我 Give me the keys, Brad!
我不会把车钥匙给你 No, I am not giving you the keys to the car,
因为你喝醉了 而且是个小孩 because you're drunk and you're a child.
没人喜欢你那愚蠢的声音 Nobody likes your dumb, stupid Brad voice.
你闻起来像南瓜 And you smell like pumpkins!
-你是个小酒鬼 -反击无力 -And you're a mean drunk. -Kid's got an arm.
九岁的醉鬼 真是好父母 Drunk nine-year-old. Real nice parenting.
说话小心点 罗杰 You better watch it, Roger.
阿德里安娜 你没事吧 Adrianna! Are you okay, sweetheart?
她没事吧 她 Is she okay? Is she... What is she...
现在知道梅根哪儿弄来蛋酒了 Oh. What a shock. Now we know where Megan got the eggnog.
你总是认为她是坏榜样 You always assume she's the bad influence.
也许你女儿教唆我女儿喝酒 Maybe your daughter plied my daughter with alcohol.
也许你女儿那样是因为她妈妈是商店扒手 Maybe your daughter's that way because her mother is a shoplifter.
商店扒手 Shoplifter.
我们已经商量过入店行窃的事 Sara, we've been working on the shoplifting thing, okay?
但那和阿德里安娜无关 But that has nothing to do with Adrianna
不要一直当作小噩梦 being such a little nightmare all the time.
我女儿才不是噩梦 My daughter is not a nightmare!
走吧 阿德里安娜 Come on, Adrianna.
亲爱的 我不是那个意思 No, sweetheart, I didn't mean that.
-亲爱的 -嘿 -Honey! -Hey.
-你叫我女儿什么 -他称她为噩梦 -What'd you call my daughter? -He called her a nightmare.
我不怕惹事 但我不是异教徒 Hey. I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a heathen.
我们到外面去解决 Let's take this outside.
我们出去遛一遛 Yeah, let's step outside the manger.
他称她为噩梦 He called her a nightmare.
-走吧 -好了 孩子们 -Here we go. -Now, now, boys,
我们不能离开 we can't just leave!
约瑟夫和客栈老板在大门外互相推搡 Joseph and the Innkeeper rumble outside the manger!
客栈老板首先动手 Make the first move, Innkeeper.
扁他 约瑟夫 Kick his ass, Joseph!
在孩子面前不能这样干 We are not going to do this in front of the children!
你们是怎么做父亲的 Now, what kind of fathers are you, anyway?
太可笑了 That's rich!
这话出自对儿子撒谎六个月的人 Coming from a guy who lies to his son for six months.
所以大家都觉得你的故事如此“可爱” Maybe that's why everyone thinks your stories are so "delightful,"
因为这都是谎言 because they're all lies!
萨拉 带孩子们离开这里 Sara, get the kids out of here, okay?
正好 我不想让他们看这个 Happily. I don't want them watching this anyway.
慢慢玩 白痴 Have fun, morons!
-吃煎饼去 婊子 -不要说“婊子” -Pancakes, bitches! -Do not say "bitches."
孩子们走了 来吧 Kids are gone. Let's go.
我不会打穿得像约瑟夫的人 I'm not hitting a guy dressed like Joseph.
胡子没了 罗杰 The beard's off, Roger.
你们想磨蹭到什么时候 How many excuses you want to pull out, man?
现在打开 Now it's on.
-你知道吗 布拉德 -唐 -You know what, Brad? -Don!
没错 我撒谎了 Yes, I lied!
因为只要你生活中有什么不对劲 Because whenever there's anything wrong in your life,
只要不是玫瑰和彩虹 if it isn't roses and rainbows,
你就会彻底崩溃 you completely fall apart.
我以为我们之间很诚实 I thought we had an honest relationship!
是吗 我打赌你没告诉他 Oh, yeah? Brad, I bet you never told him
你去年做的那个手术 about that procedure you had last year, did you?
我的天 什么手术 Oh, my God. What procedure?
没什么 是良性肿瘤 It was nothing, just some benign tissue.
怎么样 你们两个都是骗子 How about that? You're both a couple of lying sacks.
还有你 And, you!
你到这里的那一刻起 From the minute you got here,
就一直充满刻薄和讽刺 you've been nothing but mean and sarcastic.
你知道吗 库尔特 Well, you know what, Kurt?
-去你的 -爸爸 -F you! -Dad!
没错 忘了你 That's right. Forget you!
好样的 大师 说脏话 Attaboy, swami. Throwing down F words.
似脏非脏 是个好开头 Not the F word, but an F word, and that's a good start.
来吧 给我一根手指 大男人 Now, come on, give me the finger, big boy. Come on.
-来吧 -嘿 -Come on. -Hey! Hey!
我们还要打架吗 Are we gonna still fight or what?
罗杰说得好 我们重回起点 Roger brings up a good point. Let's get the momentum back.
来吧 罗杰 靠近点 Come on, Roger. Get some! Let's get in there!
-快点 -不不不 -Come on! -No, no, no, no, no!
如果你们开打 不管孩子在不在场 If you lay one hand on each other, whether the kids are here or not,
都会对他们产生负面影响 it will negatively impact them.
好吧 我不会对他下手的 All right. I'm not gonna lay a hand on him.
你在干什么 What are you doing?
我明白了 打雪仗 Oh. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. Snowball fight.
我后车厢里有几把孩之宝枪 I've got some Nerf guns in the back of my car.
要去拿来吗 Want me to get them?
我曾经在红袜队3A级小联盟效力 I pitched triple-A for the Red Sox in their farm system, Roger.
别怪我没提醒你 Don't say I didn't warn you.
尽你全力吧 Take your best shot.
爸爸 Dad!
唐 对不起 Don, I'm sorry!
真是烂透了 That sucks.
-对不起 -不 没关系 -I'm so sorry. -No, no, it was all right.
不公平 那是个冰球 Hey, no fair. That's an ice ball.
没错 You bet it is.
你扔出了 我们就不再是合作爸爸 You know, you throw that and we are no longer co-dads.
我要走在你前面 白痴 I'm way ahead of you, dickhead.
从现在起 You know, from now on,
我们就像典型的混血家庭 we'll just act like a normal blended family
我对你恨之入骨 with me hating your guts.
孩子们永远不会知道 The kids will never know,
因为我是个好爸爸 不会把他们的继父扔到车底下 because I'm too good of a dad to ever throw their stepfather under the bus.
但你正要去那里了 布拉德 But that's right where you're gonna be, Brad.
我的车底下 Under my bus.
你猜怎么着 我早晚都要给你庆祝 Well, guess what, I'm gonna celebrate you morning, noon and night
因为在孩子们面前做是件正确的事 because it's the right thing to do in front of the kids.
你要知道我对你的真实感觉 But just know the way I really feel about you
你就是个吸屁精 达斯蒂 is you can suck a fart, Dusty.
又湿又油腻的屁 A wet, greasy fart.
你是继续装腔作势还是来一打 You gonna keep pump-faking that thing or you gonna take a shot, Brad?
哈 Huh?
什么 What? What? Huh?
他从来没有做过运动 He's never played sports ever.
雪球可能粘在手上了 Maybe it's stuck to his hand.
噢 Oh! Oh!
哈 Huh? Huh?
我就是这样想的 That's what I thought.
你不值得我这样做 You know what, Dusty, you're not worth it.
走吧 爸爸 Come on, Dad.
好 Good.
玩心理 你完全值得 Psych. You're totally worth it!
爸爸 Dad!
-那是个冰球 -那样对待你爸爸 -That was an ice ball. -Treating your dad like that!
爸爸 Dad.
那是个意外 Look, it was an accident.
继续吧 罗杰 Go ahead, Roger.
布拉德第一次说对了 Brad was right the first time.
你不值得 You're not worth it.
见鬼 打在我脖子上 Dang! Right down my neck!
唐 抱歉 Don! Sorry! Sorry!
那家伙就像个雪球磁铁 That guy's like a snowball magnet.
你都说对了 你现在高兴了 You were right about everything. You happy now?
达斯蒂 Dusty,
我喜欢做对的人 I do like being right.
那是你的宝宝 Hey, is that your baby in there?
格里夫 Griffy!
我知道 宝贝 没事的 I know. I know, sweetie. It's okay, it's okay.
我知道 I know, I know.
那是达斯蒂的主意 我没想过这样做 This was Dusty's idea. I never wanted to do this.
圣诞日
布拉德 那是我的 Hey, Brad. That one's mine.
-这个包是你的 -是的 -Oh, is this bag yours? -Yeah.
萨拉 Sara? Sara!
我的天 -Oh, my gosh. -Ew.
发生什么事了 What is going on here?
发生什么事了 警官 What's happening, Officer?
前面公路有雪崩 Avalanche hit the highway up ahead.
清理干净要几个小时 It's gonna take a few hours to clear it,
所以跟着车流回到镇里 so follow the traffic back into town, all right?
是什么引起雪崩的 因为下大雪 What caused the avalanche? Was it all the snow?
是的 我很确定 Yeah, I'm pretty sure
雪崩是因为大雪引起的 snow had something to do with the avalanche.
别停 Keep it moving!
我们可以停下来吃午饭来消磨时间 Well, I guess we could stop and have lunch to kill time.
就在圣诞日 On Christmas Day?
哪里有开门的 What's gonna be open?
我不知道 I don't know.
魅力电影院
看那边 Oh, look at that!
每个人都有同样的想法 Looks like everyone had the same idea.
一切都卖完了 Oh, no. Everything's sold out.
只能看导弹牵引 Well, I guess we could see Missile Tow.
那是什么呢 What's that about?
连姆·尼森主演的电影 It's Liam Neeson.
他是拖车司机 和孩子们回家 He's a tow truck driver who's on his way home for Christmas
过圣诞的路上发生恐怖分子劫持 with his kids and happens along some terrorists
一枚移动式洲际弹道导弹 who've hijacked a mobile ICBM.
最后他把导弹挂在拖车上 So he hooks it to his rig
在圣诞节日出之前送到北美防空司令部 and has to get it to NORAD before Christmas morning.
我听说非常好 I hear it's really good!
布拉德 不适合十三岁以下观看 I don't know, Brad, it's PG-13.
我不太喜欢粗俗的对白 I don't really care for the salty language.
电影里有可爱的小孩 Well, it has cute little kids in it.
能有多粗俗 I mean, how dirty can it be?
而且你喜欢连姆·尼森 Besides, you love Liam Neeson.
没错 I do.
-就看这一部 -好 -Let's just give it a shot. -Yes!
看起来很英勇 Looks very heroic.
-没错 -真男人 -I'll say that much. -I mean, really. Man!
前排 我不知道 The front row? I don't know, Brad.
-那样 -别烦恼了 -What about the... -Dad, please stop!
眼睛会疲劳的 It's gonna strain your eyes.
我们别无选择 We don't have a choice, all right?
妈妈和布拉德 Look, it's Mom and Brad!
圣诞老人有礼物给你们这些混蛋 Santa's got a present for you bastards.
你们完蛋了 混蛋 You're impounded, asshole.
-你做到了 爸爸 -你把他们都杀了 -You did it, Daddy! -You killed them all.
不 孩子 我们成功了 我们把他们都杀了 No, kids. We did it. We killed them all.
我们同心协力 Together.
我们爱你 爸爸 We love you, Daddy.
我也爱你们 I love you, too.
在这个疯狂的世界里 我唯一在乎的 The only thing that matters to me in this crazy world
就是你们 孩子 is you kids.
我很抱歉你们的假期被那些 And I'm sorry that your holiday was ruined
不信神的母亲给毁了 by those godless mother...
对不起 各位 Sorry, folks.
看来我们停电了 Looks like we're having a bit of a power outage.
我们不知道什么时候能恢复供电 We don't know when the power's gonna come back on,
所以你们都可以呆在这里或者大厅里 so you guys are all welcome to stay in here or in the lobby.
交通部希望大家都呆在室内 先别上路 The DOT wants everybody to stay inside and off the roads,
所以可能会在这里呆一段时间 so we might be in here for a while.
我打赌这也是因为大雪 You know, I bet this is because of the snow, too.
老天 你想怎么样 Gee, Dad, you think so?
我要去厕所 I need to use the gent's.
布拉德 你要去拉尿吗 Brad, do you need to go tee-tee?
别在大庭广众之下说 Dad, don't say that in public!
-快去 -好的 -Just go. -All right.
他还在看着我 Is he still looking at me?
是的 Yes.
他是在做那个样子吗 你知道 Is he doing that one look that he does? You know, like...
-他常做那种表情 -是的 -Is he doing that look? -Yeah.
眼睛一眨不眨 Where he doesn't blink? Yeah.
没错 Yep.
你知道吗 You know,
当我听说 when I said that
布拉德把你变成了你不像你 Brad was turning you into something that you're not?
也许我真的想说 Maybe, you know, what I really meant to say
那就是 was that
布拉德把你变成了我做不到的人 Brad's turning you into something that I'm not,
一位好爸爸 a good dad.
你不是就那样吗 No? No, that didn't do it for you?
我觉得很不错 Come on. I thought it was pretty good.
你说的是刚才看电影里的台词 That whole speech was in the movie we just saw.
-是吗 -一字不改 -Was it? -Yeah. Word for word.
戏剧性的停顿和台词 Dramatic pauses and all.
连姆·尼森刚刚说的 Liam Neeson just said that.
那一定是在我的潜意识里 It must've been in my subconscious.
我要去撒尿 I'm gonna go drain the lizard.
好的 Yeah. Yeah.
那是非常不错的 Whoa! That is a very impressive
手表 劳力士 我的是卡西欧 watch. Is that a Rolex? Mine's a Casio.
你知道吗 库尔特 You know what, Kurt?
我们第一次见面 When we first met,
我很高兴我们能成为合作爷爷 I was so excited about our being co-grandpas.
现在大家都很痛苦 我儿子不会原谅我 And now everybody's miserable! And my son won't forgive me.
你知道你和布拉德真正需要什么吗 You know what you and Brad really need?
不 Oh, no.
我不会接受你这种人的建议 I'm not taking any advice from the likes of you.
不用了 谢谢 No, thank you.
好吧 我们需要什么 Okay, what do we need?
-阿德里安娜来了 -梅根 -Hey! Adrianna's here! -Megan!
嗨 Hi!
-我摆脱不了这家伙 -我摆脱不了这家伙 -I can't shake this guy. -I can't shake this guy.
-你们也被困了 -是啊 -You guys got stuck here, too? -Yeah.
迪连 看看还有谁被困 你女朋友 And, Dylan, look who else got stuck. Your girlfriend!
我们让她站在槲寄生下 We should put her under the mistletoe.
好 Yeah!
-拜托 站在下面 -站好 -Come on, stay under. -Stay.
你喜欢那个女孩 You like that girl, don't you?
嗯 Hmm.
好吧 Well,
是谁一个人击倒一个球瓶 who knocked down a pin all by himself?
-我行吗 -没错 你可以 -I did? -Damn right, you did.
现在上去进行第二次投球 Now go in there and pick up that spare.
她来了 迪连 Here she is, Dylan!
这似乎是不太对 It just doesn't seem right.
布拉德 Brad?
爸爸 我真的不想 Dad, I really don't want to...
老天 Jeez.
我们要像男人一样解决这个问题 We're gonna settle this physically, like men!
当一切都结束时 我们会感觉好很多 And when it's all over, we're gonna feel a whole lot better.
至少今天有人接受了我的建议 At least somebody's taking my advice today.
住手 这是虐待儿童 亲爱的 帮帮我 Cut it out! This is child abuse! Honey, help me!
别这么软蛋 快还手 Don't be such a snowflake. Fight back!
嘿 你们 别闹了 Hey, guys, come on, knock it off.
你们就别撒泼了 You're making a scene, all right?
唐 靠住他 Yeah, Don, lean on him!
与我交战 儿子 为了我们的父子关系 Defaultage me, son, for the sake of our male bond.
不 等等 看 No, wait, wait, look. Look!
他要干什么 What's he doing?
他准备献出他的初吻 Oh, my God. He's going in for his first kiss.
看 她站在槲寄生下 Look, she's standing under the mistletoe.
天哪 我的手机呢 Oh, my God. Where's my phone? Where's my phone?
我的手机在哪 Oh, my God, where's your phone?
布拉德 你的手机呢 Brad, where's your phone!
好的 在这里 给你 Okay, it's right here. Right here. Yeah. Yeah.
看他多勇敢 她是你的了 Look how brave he is. She's all yours, buddy.
除非她有男朋友 Unless she's got a boyfriend.
这种年龄 总会有朋友圈 In that case, there's always the Friend Zone.
朋友圈没什么不好 No, there's nothing wrong with the Friend Zone.
他不会进入朋友圈的 Guys, he's not going in the Friend Zone, okay?
看她的笑容 她喜欢他 Look at that smile. She likes him.
她想要一个吻 Yeah, she wants a kiss.
天哪 他吻了他姐姐 My God, he kissed his sister!
恭喜你 你这个幸运的女孩 Congratulations, you lucky gal.
我做到了 教父 我吻了我喜欢的女孩 I did it, El Padre! I kissed the girl I like!
好 好小子 Yeah! Attaboy!
你刚吻了你姐姐 你这孩子有病 Did you just kiss your sister? You sick kid!
继母的女儿 Stepsister.
这样还是不行 我知道 I mean, still not okay, I know that.
不 等等 他只是有点糊涂 What? No, no, wait, he's just a little confused, all right?
看是谁养大的 也就不足为奇了 It's no surprise when you look at who raised him.
阿德里安娜 来吧 我们回家 Adrianna, come on. We're going home.
罗杰 你不能在暴风雪中上路 Wait, wait, Roger, you can't go out in that storm.
我是第三季冰路前行卡车司机的替补 I was an alternate for Season 3 Ice Road Truckers.
我不会有事的 I'll be fine.
那一季司机最强 That was their best season.
我来吧 I got this.
等一下 罗杰 Wait a minute. Roger, hold up, man.
不 现在起 你不能接近我女儿 No. From now on, I don't want you anywhere near my daughter.
我不想和你们这班人有任何关系 I don't want anything to do with any of you people!
我也从没想过和你成为一家人 Look, I never wanted to be family with you, either, Roger.
就像布拉德从没想过和我成为一家人一样 Just like Brad never wanted to be family with me, did you, Brad?
根本不 我恨死你了 No. Not at all. I hated your guts.
我现在仍然这样坚持 In fact, I still kind of do right now.
我也是 布拉德 Yeah. Me, too, Brad.
但这些孩子把我们联系在一起 But we're all connected by these kids.
谁也别想摆脱 No one's going anywhere.
-你要阻止我 -若有必要 是的 -You gonna stop me? -If I have to, yes.
你弱小不堪 你这个娘娘腔 Yeah, right. You couldn't stop a clock, you weak tit.
拳头 The hammer.
你知道吗 阿德里安娜 You know what, Adrianna?
你不会喜欢的 小姐 这是早该做的 You're not gonna like this, young lady, but this is long overdue.
我爱你 I love you.
-我感动了 -我也是 此时此刻 -That got me. -Got me, too. Right here.
你刚才说什么来着 What the hell did you just say?
你没听错 我爱我的继女 You heard me. I said, I love my stepdaughter!
说真的 我早就该这样说了 And I meant it. I should've said it a long time ago,
我不擅长表现自己的内心 害怕被拒绝 but I was afraid to put myself out there and risk getting rejected.
好温馨 Sweet.
这样吧 You know what?
阿德里安娜 你和妈妈一起过圣诞节 Adrianna, you're gonna spend Christmas with your mom, okay?
你不能走 罗杰 You're not leaving us, Roger.
因为我也爱你 'Cause I love you, too.
-收回那句话 -不 我不能 -You take that back! -Nope. I can't.
现在不能收回 Can't take it back now.
大家都听见了 就在这里 Everybody heard it. It's out there.
-大家都听到了 -是的 -Everybody hear it? -Yeah.
你是她爸爸 你造就了她 You're her dad, you made her who she is,
尽管她现在对我怀有相当多的怨恨 and despite her currently harboring a fair amount of resentment towards me,
我爱她 那意味着我也爱你 I love her, so that means I love you, too.
我一直都不擅长表达 And I've never been too good about saying it,
但我会以布拉德为榜样 but I'm gonna follow Brad's example,
我也爱他 who I also love.
现在你说些让我哽噎的话 Now you're just saying things to choke me up.
布拉德 别哭了 Brad! Cut it out.
-我想 -我情不自禁 -I'm trying. -I'm a hot mess here.
-唐 拜托 -你得明白 -Don, please! -You've got to understand,
这些话让我情不自禁 when it comes out of nowhere like that,
你还能指望我什么 what do you expect?
-别激动 -我不激动 -Stop! -I'm stopping.
-现在不激动 -我们 -I'm currently stopping. -We're...
别说了 让我很难为情 Yeah, guys. Cut it out, you're embarrassing me.
我爱你 布拉德 I love you, Brad.
我爱凯伦 我爱萨拉 And I love Karen, I love Sara,
我爱我的孩子们 and I love my kids.
我 I...
我需要更多时间才说得出口 I might need a little more time with that one.
好 我理解 Sure, understood.
我们正取得进展 也许是你的生日 But we're making progress. Maybe for your birthday.
好的 Yeah.
除非你有什么话要说 You know. Unless you want to say anything?
-有话对大家说 -说吧 库尔特 -Anything at all? -Say it, Kurt.
-现在正好 -说出来 库尔特 -Now's the time. -Just say it, Kurt.
你有什么要说的 You want to say anything?
没那么难 说吧 It's not that bad. Just say it.
-你可以说 -说吧 -You can do it. -Do it.
生日是个不错的时机 Nah, the birthday's a good target. Good target.
好吧 罗杰 你怎么说 All right, Roger, what do you say?
现在和家人一起过圣诞节还不晚 It's not too late to spend Christmas with your family.
♪ 今天是圣诞节 ♪ * It's Christmastime *
♪ 没有必要害怕 明白 ♪ * There's no need to be afraid, Roger *
♪ 在圣诞节 ♪ * At Christmastime *
♪ 我们迎接光明 驱除阴影 ♪ * We let in light and we banish shade *
那是我最喜欢的歌 Damn, that's my favorite song of all time.
♪ 在富足的世界里 ♪ * And in our world of plenty *
♪ 传播喜悦的微笑 ♪ * We can spread a smile of joy *
♪ 张开双臂拥抱世界 ♪ * Throw your arms around the world *
♪ 在圣诞节 ♪ * At Christmastime *
♪ 祈祷吧 ♪ * But say a prayer *
♪ 为别人而祈祷 ♪ * Pray for the other ones! *
我八月份都敢唱 我根本不在乎 I'll play this in August, I don't even care.
♪ 在圣诞节 ♪ * At Christmastime *
♪ 不容易 在开心时节 ♪ * It's hard, but when you're having fun *
♪ 窗外有一个世界 ♪ * There's a world outside your window *
♪ 那里充满忧虑和恐惧 ♪ * It's a world of dread and fear *
♪ 那里唯一流动的水是 ♪ * Where the only water flowing is *
♪ 苦涩刺痛的泪水 ♪ * The bitter sting of tears *
♪ 还有响起的圣诞钟声 ♪ * And the Christmas bells that ring there *
♪ 这是末日的钟声吗 ♪ * Are the clanging chimes of doom *
♪ 今晚感谢上帝 就是他们 ♪ * Well, tonight thank God it's them *
♪ 替你受苦 ♪ * Instead of you *
好 太棒了 Yes! Fantastic!
他听到了 He heard it!
来吧 罗杰 Come on, Roger.
我们都被困在这里 Look. Yes, we're all stuck here,
但我们和亲人在一起 but we're with our loved ones.
我不是 我一个人来 I'm not. I came alone.
好吧 Okay, well,
圣诞节他一个人去看电影 确实有点悲哀 he came to the movies alone on Christmas, and that's a little sad.
♪ 确实有点悲哀 ♪ * That's a little sad! *
但你并非独自一人 But you're not alone, sir.
想想看 我们经常去看电影 I mean, think about it. We come to the movies all the time.
我们和数百人坐在一起 We sit with hundreds of people.
一起欢笑 一起哭泣 And we laugh together, we cry together,
但我们从来不看对方 but we never look at each other, do we?
布拉德 这不是麦克风 是鼓槌 Brad, it's not a microphone, it's a mallet. See?
-他们听得见 -你们听得到我说话 -They can hear you. -You can still hear me, right?
-是的 -是的 -Yeah. -Yeah.
互相看一眼 Take a look at each other.
-没错 -嗨 -That's right. -Hi.
互相拥抱一下 Give a hug. Give an embrace.
我们这里有非常棒的圣诞晚会要素 What we have here are the makings of a really great Christmas party.
有圣诞树 We have a Christmas tree.
有音乐和零食 We have music and snacks.
有圣诞精神 We have Christmas spirit.
有欢笑 We have mirth.
有圣诞雪 We have snow!
你知道哪里没有圣诞雪 You know who doesn't have snow?
我打赌他知道哪里没有圣诞雪 I'll bet he knows who doesn't have snow, don't you?
是的 我知道 Yeah. Yeah, I know.
我知道哪里没有圣诞雪 I know where there isn't snow.
♪ 非洲不下圣诞雪 ♪ * And there won't be snow in Africa *
♪ 今年圣诞节 ♪ * This Christmastime! *
♪ 他们知道今天是圣诞节吗 ♪ * Do they know it's Christmastime at all? *
圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas!
圣诞快乐 各位 Merry Christmas, folks!
♪ 养活这个世界 ♪ * Feed the world *
♪ 让他们知道今天是圣诞节 ♪ * Let them know it's Christmastime *
♪ 养活这个世界 ♪ * Feed the world *
什么 What?
♪ 让他们知道今天是圣诞节 ♪ * Let them know it's Christmastime *
“萨拉” "Sara.
“既聪明又美丽” "Beautiful and smart.
“大家都喜爱的妈妈” "The mom that everyone loves"?
我的天 她以我为原型塑造角色 Oh, my God. She's basing a character on me!
好了 小家伙 All right, guys.
我们要到复活节才再见面 We're not gonna see them again till Easter,
大家都跟教父和爷爷说再见 so everybody say good-bye to El Padre and Pop-Pop.
-再见 迪连 -再见 教父 -Bye, Dylan. -Good-bye, El Padre!
下次你想射一个家伙 Hey, next time you want to shoot a guy,
不要晃来晃去 瞄准质心 don't just wing him, go for center mass, okay?
再见 阿德里安娜 Good-bye, Adrianna.
我不想你走 爷爷 I don't want you to go, Pop-Pop!
-真的 -是啊 -Really? -Yeah, really?
当然 他得到拥抱 Sure. Of course, he gets a hug.
你可以打电话给我 跟我说爷爷故事 Maybe you can call me and tell me more Pop-Pop stories.
我乐意如此 I would love to!
我帮你注册了老年伴侣网站 Oh. And I also signed you up for SeniorMatch.com.
为你这样的老年人服务的交友网站 It's a dating website for old people like you.
谢谢你 宝贝 Thank you, sweetie.
宝贝 你妈妈的短信 Honey, it's your mom texting.
他们刚下飞机 They're just getting off the plane.
我最好在他们来之前走 I'd better go before they get here.
我不想把事情弄得很尴尬 I don't want to make anything awkward.
-再见 爸爸 -再见 大男人 -Bye, Dad. -Bye, big man.
-爱你 -我也爱你 布拉德 -Love you. -I love you, too, Brad.
是啊 祝你一路顺风 Hey, well, yeah, you have a good flight.
我们别这样下去了 Yeah, let's not get that going.
我同意 这得从小就开始 I agree. You've got to start that younger.
我们错过了那扇窗户 We missed that window.
我真的很感激你的手势 I really appreciate the gesture.
是吗 那就好 You do? Then okay.
-再见了 小子 -再见 -Hey. I'll see you, kid. -See you soon, yeah.
是的 再见 小子 Yeah, bye, kid.
-你不走吗 爷爷 -来了 船长 -Are you coming, Pop-Pop? -Come on, Captain!
再见 爸爸 Bye, Dad.
唐 我一直在想 You know, Don, I've been thinking.
你不需要交友网站 You don't need a dating app.
你只需要帮手 What you need is a wingman.
我换了去维加斯的航班 I switched our flights to Vegas.
新年去凯撒皇宫 重振雄风 New Year's at Caesar's, fix you right up.
听起来棒极了 That sounds wonderful!
我们在哪里转机 Where are we connecting through?
别学我 爷爷 Don't start with me, Pop-Pop.
布拉德 别紧张了 Hey, Braddie. Don't be nervous now.
你是我认识的最善良 最温柔 最诚实的人 You are the kindest, most gentle and honest guy I know.
不管你妈妈和谁一起走下扶梯 And whoever your mother brings down that escalator,
他会爱你的 你明白吗 he's gonna love you, you hear me?
奶奶 Grandma!
是萨利机长 Is that Sully?
等等 是谁 Wait, wait, who?
萨利·萨伦伯格 Sully Sullenberger.
在哈德逊河上奇迹般地救了155名乘客 The guy who saved 155 passDefaulters on the miracle on the Hudson!
克林特·伊斯特伍德为此拍了一部电影 Clint Eastwood made a frickin' movie about it.
我们在你家看过 很棒 Wait. We watched it at your house, it was awesome!
对 汤姆·汉克斯和阿伦·艾克哈特主演 Right. Tom Hanks and Aaron Eckhart.
我真的很喜欢 I really enjoyed it.
那家伙是民族英雄 他成为你的继父 That guy is a national hero, and he's gonna be your stepdad.
哇 太神了 Wow. Amazing.
我打赌他会得到免费机票 I bet you he gets free flight vouchers.
还能给我们一些优惠券 And maybe get us some vouchers!
也许 Maybe.
别等了 去打个招呼 走吧 Well, don't make him wait. Go say hi. Go! Go!
奶奶 Grandma!
你一定是布拉德 You must be Brad.
不行 Nope.
-别 布拉德 -你不是我爸爸 -No, Brad. -You're not my dad!
布拉德 你这样错了 Brad, no, that's a mistake!
我不管你救了多少人 I don't care how many lives you saved!
你永远无法取代他 懂吗 You'll never replace him, do you hear me?
布拉德 他人很好 回来 Brad, he's so nice! Come back!
你只有一个好故事 我爸爸却有一百万个 You only have one good story, my father has a million!
《老爸当家2》
调频103.6 猫熊电台 103.6 The Panda
你正在收听猫熊电台杰森·辛克莱节目 You're listening to Jason Sinclair at the Panda,
今晚我为你准备了小节日食谱 and I've got a little holiday recipe for you tonight.
两杯蛋酒 一份丝绸睡衣 Two cups of eggnog, one serving of silk pajamas,
还有一大摞亲人的食物 and a heaping helping of a loved one.
加上一小撮欢快的爵士乐 And I'm gonna add a pinch of smooth jazz
就在猫熊电台 on the Panda.
我有个问题要问你 And I have one question for you.
你知道现在是什么时刻 Do you know what time it is?
♪ 今天是圣诞节 ♪ * It's Christmastime *
♪ 没有必要害怕 明白 ♪ * There's no need to be afraid, Roger *
♪ 在圣诞节 ♪ * At Christmastime *
♪ 我们迎接光明 驱除阴影 ♪ * We let in light and we banish shade *
♪ 在富足的世界里 ♪ * And in our world of plenty *
♪ 传播喜悦的微笑 ♪ * We can spread a smile of joy *
♪ 张开双臂拥抱世界 ♪ * Throw your arms around the world *
♪ 在圣诞节 ♪ * At Christmastime *
♪ 祈祷吧 ♪ * But say a prayer *
♪ 为别人而祈祷 ♪ * Pray for the other ones! *
♪ 在圣诞节 ♪ * At Christmastime *
♪ 不容易 在开心时节 ♪ * It's hard, but when you're having fun *
♪ 窗外有一个世界 ♪ * There's a world outside your window *
♪ 那里充满忧虑和恐惧 ♪ * It's a world of dread and fear *
♪ 那里唯一流动的水是 ♪ * Where the only water flowing is *
♪ 苦涩刺痛的泪水 ♪ * The bitter sting of tears *
♪ 还有响起的圣诞钟声 ♪ * And the Christmas bells that ring there *
♪ 这是末日的钟声吗 ♪ * Are the clanging chimes of doom *
♪ 今晚感谢上帝 就是他们 ♪ * Well, tonight thank God it's them *
♪ 替你受苦 ♪ * Instead of you *
♪ 非洲不下圣诞雪 ♪ * And there won't be snow in Africa *
♪ 今年圣诞节 ♪ * This Christmastime! *
♪ 今年得到的最好礼物就是生命 ♪ * The greatest gift They'll get this year is life *
♪ 生命 生命 ♪ * Life, life *
♪ 那里寸草不生 ♪ * Where nothing ever grows *
♪ 没有雨水 也没有河流 ♪ * No rain nor rivers flow *
♪ 他们知道今天是圣诞节吗 ♪ * Do they know it's Christmastime at all? *
♪ 献给你 ♪ * Here's to you *
♪ 为大家举杯 ♪ * Raise a glass for everyone *
♪ 献给他们 ♪ * Here's to them *
♪ 在那灼热的烈日下 ♪ * Underneath that burning sun *
♪ 他们知道今天是圣诞节吗 ♪ * Do they know it's Christmastime at all? *
♪ 养活这个世界 ♪ * Feed the world *
♪ 让他们知道今天是圣诞节 ♪ * Let them know it's Christmastime *
♪ 养活这个世界 ♪ * Feed the world *
♪ 让他们知道今天是圣诞节 ♪ * Let them know it's Christmastime *
♪ 养活这个世界 ♪ * Feed the world *
♪ 让他们知道今天是圣诞节 ♪ * Let them know it's Christmastime *
♪ 养活这个世界 ♪ * Feed the world *
♪ 让他们知道今天是圣诞节 ♪ * Let them know it's Christmastime *
♪ 养活这个世界 ♪ * Feed the world *
♪ 让他们知道今天是圣诞节 ♪ * Let them know it's Christmastime *
♪ 养活这个世界 ♪ * Feed the world *
♪ 让他们知道今天又是圣诞节 ♪ * Let them know it's Christmastime again *
去年 圣本尼迪克特的追随者 You know. Last year, the folks at St. Benedict's, they...
举行了现代版的耶稣降生仪式 They had a... A modern-dress Nativity.
一开始大家都很排斥 圣本尼迪克特的追随者 Everybody hated it at first, but you know the folks at St. Benedict's,
用行动有力的回击 they got back at 'em, all right.
他们赢得了最具创意奖 They won the prize for most original.
当然 还有枫木基督徒 Then, of course, you have the Maplewood Christians.
他们和拿撒勒教徒进行了友好的竞争 They had a kind of friendly competition with the Nazarenes,
去年拿走了所有的干草 and took all their hay last year.
你可以尝试设立 Yeah, you just try setting up
不用干草的耶稣降生仪式 a Nativity without hay.
圣诞快乐 各位 Merry Christmas, fellas!